My World, My Games: The Story of Johanna Mason
by AHandfulOfBerries
Summary: Johanna Mason always had a tough life: An abusive father, long work hours, a little brother she takes care of, and a long history of depression. But her world seems to come crashing down when she's reaped for the 71st Hunger Games. Her determination to make it home will help her make crucial decisions, as she's put in a position where she's forced to murder innocent teenagers.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The shaking of my brother startles me from my slumbering. Dazed, confused, and somewhat angry I sit up in my bed.

"Rocco, what the hell is wrong with you!" I scream at him.

"Sorry," he replies. "I was reminding you that you should get ready for work."

He looks at me with his usual puppy dog face, fierce green eyes burning into mine. It's hard for me to stay upset with him whenever he makes that face. But now I'm used to it.

"Enough of that face," I say firmly. "You know it won't work when you're older."

"I know, but it works now, so I'll continue to do it as long as I can."

_Gosh he's only ten and already a smartass_, I think to myself. I knew I didn't want to work this morning, but my family needs all the extra money they can get.

Still coming back to reality, I put on a gray button down shirt, throw on some black work pants, grab my ax, and head out to the forest. I never said goodbye to Rocco, or told my parents I took the extra shift. I'm sure they'll worry where I went. Isn't that what parents always do?

As I walk towards the entrance to our working site, I spot my shift partner, Sam. We always have to work in groups in case we get attacked by wolves or whatever hazards lay out there waiting for us. Truthfully, I become terrified of going into the forest sometimes. After my last incident with an unfriendly wolf, I'll never go too far anymore without taking Sam with me. I'm pretty happy she's my working partner too, considering she's my best friend. I've known her since I was about eight years old.

"Don't you look wonderful this morning," she says, walking over to me.

"Same goes for you. But I'm not being sarcastic," I reply.

"Oh please," she laughs, giving me a playful shove. I smile a little in return. Truth is, Sam is gorgeous. When I used to be in school, I hated whenever guys tried to flirt with her. They were so rude. But then again, everyone wanted to date the hottest girl in our district. Wait...did I just call her hot? Whoa, that was weird... I've never done that before. I shake my head a few times to brush the idea from my mind.

We walk through the dense, lush forest to our designated working area. I can only imagine all the different ways someone could die out here. As my senses finally begin to settle in, I realize we are headed towards a thickly covered pine tree area.

"Why are we here? Don't we usually hack away at oak?" I say with as much sarcasm as I can muster.

"I was told we needed to go here," Sam replies. "So the manufacturers can process them into paper. That is what our district is supposed to do after all."

"Paper for what?" I ask with a tone.

"For the schools. You know, where you're supposed to learn."

I know she's trying to be funny, and as usual, she's teasing me about how much I despise school. I mean, our schools aren't much here - just a small shack really where we go to learn for a few hours a day - but it's terrible. And anyway, there's no way I could find time for school with the hours I work: Four hours in the morning, and usually five hours at night, sometimes seven if I really need the money.

I sensed some aggravation in her voice though. Maybe I should stop talking, I think to myself. _Yeah, you should_. Gosh, why do you always have to annoy me? _I'm you, dumbass._

As we start to chop down the trees, I notice that I really have no energy in me. I've only dropped three trees. Sam and I have been working for about an hour, and our shift ends at eleven. It's about eight in the morning now. I notice a tree stump near me and sit down.

"Johanna, what are you doing? We need to work, you don't get paid to sit there!"

"Actually I do get paid to sit here. I took the shift, they need to pay me for it." I can't help sounding sarcastic. I always do as a matter of fact.

"I can clearly see you're in rare form today," she says back.

"Well I'm sorry my brother gave me a heart attack when he woke me up!" I can hear the anger in my voice, and decide it would be better if I stopped speaking altogether. Truthfully, that's not even the whole reason to why I'm in a bad mood today. I fight with my dad almost every day, and yesterday was one of them. He irritates me so much, and when I'm put in a terrible mood I act like I'm angry with the whole world. I don't want to make Sam upset with me if I make another remark with my tone. I hate seeing her upset. _Why?_ Because I care about her of course. She's my best friend. _You want to be more than friends with her._ What are you even talking about? _You know exactly what I'm saying_. Ugh, just shut up. I let out a frustrated sigh, and sit back down blaming myself for this happening. I glance up and see Sam walk over to me.

"Look," she says, "If you want, go home and get some rest. I don't want you getting sick, especially the day before the reapings." God she sounds like she could be my mother. But, I agree with her.

"I'd rather stay out here with you though," I reply. "My parents are probably pissed at me for not telling them I took this shift." Honestly, I'd rather stay with Sam over my parents any day. Yeah, she still gets mad at me, we still have our moments with each other...but she's always there for me. She listens to me when I feel like no one else does. She helps me find meaning in my life when I feel like there isn't any at all.

"Alright then," I hear her say. She pulls me by my arm until I actually cooperate with her and stand up. "I'm not staying here where people can see we aren't working," she adds as she leads me deeper into the forest, away from the rest of the lumberjacks.

I follow her to an area where the trees grow thickly, their branches and leaves blocking out most of the sun. I can tell we're getting closer to our district boundaries, since there's no sign of human life out here.

"How are things with your family?" she asks as we take a seat on the ground, leaning against the trunk of a tree.

"Fucking wonderful," I reply.

"Johanna seriously...what's going on? It seems like you fight with your father every day now."

"If my father wasn't in my house everything would be fine. My mom can't stand when he hurts me, but she can't control him. I wish Gage were here now. He'd protect me, even if it meant getting a beating himself." My family is what you would call dysfunctional, and it's all because of my father.

He works in the Justice Building...some lower end job that doesn't pay much. But he goes away sometimes to bring back information about the districts and relay them to the head Peacekeeper. Anyway, he's so abusive and controlling. Everything is done his way or you get a beating. Of course, by "you" that means me. Every time...he always finds something to put on me and use me as a punching bag. My mom hates to see him hurt me, but she can't do anything about it. She's too weak now...ever since she was diagnosed with that disease. Agh, what do they call it? Cancer? Yeah, that's it. Truthfully it's a miracle she's still alive. But the doctors are doing everything they can. She's still pretty weak, but I think she's getting better. I hope she is...

My older sister, Nikki, and older brother, Gage, are never home. They're always in another district doing research. But if they were here they'd help me out. Since they aren't I only have Sam and Rocco to confide in. And truthfully, they're all I need to keep me from completely losing my mind and doing something I know I'd regret.

Instead of responding, Sam just puts her arms around my shoulders and pulls me into a hug. I'm not a fan of hugging, or getting close to people for that matter. But something about being in Sam's arms gives me a sense of safety I've never felt in my life before.

"Sam...I'm scared...For tomorrow," I get out, changing the subject.

"Why?"

"I don't want to leave you and my family behind."

"Stop saying you're going to be reaped. You've said that for four years now," she says.

"I have the most chances. I always put my name in more every year for food."

"You need to stop. I hate whenever you talk about this," Sam replies. "You're always so negative. I hate hearing you talk about how you're going to be reaped and how no one cares about you."

"Because no one does."

"I do!" she yells at me. "Johanna, I care about you probably more than my own family! I'd give my life for you in a second if I had to. I'd volunteer for you if you were reaped."

Her last sentence throws me off a little. "Are you serious? Sam, there's no way I'd let you do that."

"If I do, nothing could stop me after that," she retorts.

I'm somewhat angered by her words. There's nothing to stop me from saying my next comment. "If you volunteer, I'll kill myself. I've thought about it before and if you die then I won't hesitate to do it." Immediately after saying the words, I place a hand over my mouth, regretting the decision. I can't imagine what Sam must be thinking right now. But she needs to now I'd never let her volunteer for me. She needs to know that I'd do anything to be with her, even if it meant taking my own life.

She doesn't know how to respond to this. Instead, she just solemnly shakes her head and walks away from me.

_Wow, what a great friend you are._ Will you please shut up? I don't need this right now. _No, but what you do need to do is apologize to her._ Everything I said is true though. Yeah it was. _But how would you feel if your best friend just told you they think about suicide_?

I shake my head a little, trying to clear away these thoughts. Truth is, I can't stand when I say stupid things like that. I hate making Sam upset. _You're in love with her you idiot...that's why._ Ummm no? We're best friends, I think that's why I care about her so much. _You need to figure out that you want to be with her already._ Stop telling me things that aren't true. I shake my head one last time, trying to get my mind off Sam, before I tie my short hair up in a small, messy bun, grab my ax, and start walking home.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

As I near my home, sheets of rain begin to fall from the sky. It's freezing too, since District Seven is one of the most northern districts, so it never really gets too warm here.

Shivers run up and down my entire body, and soon my hair is dripping wet. I hurry up the steps on my front porch and quickly open the door to my house. Soon, I'm engulfed in the warmth of my house and the smell of a freshly lit fire in our fireplace.

However, the warm, fuzzy feeling soon vanishes as I notice my father standing just to my right. His arms are folded over his chest, and I can tell he's pissed at me.

"Where where you!?" he screams.

"Where else would I be?" I reply sarcastically. _That's going to hurt me later_, I think, immediately regretting the decision.

"Your mother and I were afraid something happened to you."

"Seriously dad? If I'm carrying an ax around nobody is going to mess with me. Gosh, why do you worry so much!?" I feel my voice rising and my blood begins to boil.

"Just let us know when you're going out please!" he yells back.

I glare at him, hate in my eyes. "Fine. Maybe the next time I tell you I'm going out, I'll be going to the Games. You know what? I wouldn't mind that actually. And you probably wouldn't care anyway."

"Mind what?"

I pause before walking past him. "I wouldn't mind going to the Games, because then I'd be away from you." Why does he act like he cares about me? I've been attacked by wolves before and not once did he see me in the hospital. He never cared about anything I did in my life, which explains why he didn't push me to go back into school. He treats me like shit, and doens't even recognize I'm alive most of the time.

Without any warning, my father lifts his right hand and slams it hard into the side of my face. That's going to leave a mark. Somehow, I knew this was coming. My father's so violent sometimes, and he abuses me a lot. He only takes his anger out on me...even when he's upset with my mom, he finds a reason to blame it on me. I can never get a break with him. He's burned me with cigars before, cut me with pieces of broken glass...he's even beaten me to the point where I almost died. But that was only one time, on that night..._No, don't think about that._ I'm trying! I use all my strength to push that memory away.

I hold my cheek with my hand, and clench my teeth to keep myself from crying out in pain.

I notice Rocco in my room, and continue past my father without looking back. Gosh, I hate him so much...

When I open my bedroom door, Rocco fixes his eyes on me, watching my every move.

"What?" I finally say.

"Why were you and dad fighting?" he asks solemnly.

"Just a stupid thing. He freaked out on me first," I reply.

He continues to look at me, as if he's waiting for me to say something. So I sit on my bed and stare back at him.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I say with clear hostility in my voice.

He doesn't respond. _Smart kid_, I think.

"You heard everything didn't you," I finally say with a sigh. He nods back.

"Why did you say you want to go to the Games?"

His question caught me off guard. I have to think about it before finally replying, "You wouldn't understand. You're only a ten year old... It's too hard to explain." Right now, I really don't want to talk about this. I have some time to sleep before my next shift tonight, and I don't need to think about this now.

He still seems dissatisfied with my response. He looks as if he's thinking about what to say. After a few minutes of silence he speaks up.

"But Johanna, if you are in the Games, you'll win right?"

Without thinking I reply, "Yes I will. I promise."

"If you do, you won't have to enter your name anymore right?"

"No I won't. And we'll have a big house in the Victor's Village, and everything will be fine."

"Good," he replies. "Because then you will be a mentor, and all of our tributes will win!"

"I hope that would be the case. Now I'm getting some rest. I have another shift late tonight and was too tired this morning because someone woke me up a little too energetically." I look at him as I say this, and he got the point.

As Rocco leaves to go to his room, I crawl under my sheets and think about our conversation. A few moments later, I sit up straight in my bed, paralyzed by my thoughts. _What have I done?_ I think to myself.

Now I have to win if I'm reaped. Okay, maybe not win, but try my best? I don't know. I told Rocco I would, and promises are everything to him. Honestly if I was reaped I'd probably just let someone kill me, it's not like anyone wants me in their life here. I don't matter to anyone so what's the big deal if I'm dead?

I pace back and forth, wondering how to go about this, or if there's someone I could talk to. Gosh, why do I make so many stupid mistakes all the time?

My older sister and brother are out, they're in District 5 doing some sort of research. I can't talk to Rocco again, he'll get too upset. Then I think of Sam. I could definitely talk to her about it. When I see her at work tonight, I think. Is it just so I can talk to her about this though? _No, it's so you can see her beautiful face of course_. I smile a little...she is beautiful. _So you admit it_? Admit what? _That you like Sam_? I never said I like her...just that she's really pretty. Plus, she's my best friend. Why would I want to get with my best friend? _Umm...because she's hot? Duh_. She is really hot though. Agh, why am I thinking about Sam like this? I grab the sides of my head and close my eyes, trying to shake these thoughts from my mind. Stop arguing with yourself Johanna.

In the middle of my thoughts, I once again realize that I need sleep. I lay in bed, stressing over this until I'm too tired to think anymore. I remember to set my alarm this time. Turning over, I shut my eyes, and fall asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

My alarm clock startles me from my sleep. I still feel angry about the fight I had with my father this morning, and my face stings from the blow he landed. Sometimes I just wish he'd leave me alone for good. Maybe it'd be the best option for the both of us.

I have to work another four hours tonight...basically for nothing. I get paid so little for this job. But, it's either this or going to school, and there's no fucking way I'm doing that.

Still groggy and not fully awake, I throw on a light sweatshirt, grab my ax, and head out of my house.

As I walk across town to my working area in the forest, I notice workers setting up the stage and screens all around our central square. Ugh, I think, reaping time already. I also see a greater number of Peacekeepers around. Even more disgusting.

I hate the Capitol for doing this to the whole country, and I always will. I can feel myself getting angry already. I don't know why these people think the Hunger Games are a good idea. Everyone hates them, except the Career districts. All they do is turn innocent children into murderers and tear families apart.

I feel my breathing become heavier, as I try to contain my rage regarding this subject. All I want to do right now is smash my ax into a Peacekeeper's face. Just get to work, I tell myself. Still though, I feel my blood boiling inside me.

Throughout my entire life I've always had a tough time controlling my anger. Many people have told me I'd make it through the Games based on my attitude. I believe it. Most tributes, excluding the Careers, look for allies or to stay away from the others. Not me. I'm always looking for a fight, and I don't give anyone a second chance. I guess that explains why I had so few friends in school and received ten suspensions. Anyone who said an unkind word to me ended up with a broken nose or a black eye. It sucks having such a short fuse... Truthfully, I'm surprised I was never punished like the way I have been on other occasions for my angry outlashes.

Peacekeepers have no mercy, and crossing beyond the district boundaries can be punishable by death. Maybe it wasn't that part that got me the beating...but the fact that I injured three Peacekeepers in the process had some influence in my punishment. I guess thirty lashings across my back taught me a lesson.

As I continue my walk towards the woods, I run into Sam.

"Still tired?" she asks.

"A little, but I have more strength in me now," I reply.

"Because we all know how strong and tough Johanna Mason is," she says playfully with a hint of sarcasm. Truthfully, I'm surprised she doesn't hate me right now. I was a total bitch to her earlier today. But then again, Sam and I usually get over things fairly quickly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask.

"Oh nothing," she replies biting her lip. I swear I almost fainted because I think I witnessed one of the hottest things ever done. _Told you!_ What? _You like her!_ No I don't! _Ugh, Whatever._

"Johanna, stop arguing with yourself," I hear Sam say.

"How do you know I do that?"

"I've known you my whole life basically," she replies laughing. "I can just tell when you are."

We walk in silence the next few minutes until we reach our working site. I try my best to keep my face turned away from her so she won't notice the bruise on my cheek. As we stroll through the forest, I decide to break the silence.

"Did you see them setting up?"

"Yeah, from what I've heard it's a big year, these games."

"Why?" I ask. "Isn't every year big?"

"Oh no," Sam says back. "I heard that District 1 and 2 have very skilled Careers this year."

I think about this before replying, "Well you never know. I don't care what the odds say, I'll kill them all." Whenever I watched the Games, the Careers never scared me. Sure, they were bigger, stronger, faster, and all in all, better and more liked than the rest of us, but everyone has a weakness.

I become too wrapped up in my thoughts and am completely unaware Sam is speaking to me. I turn toward her as we reach our working area.

"Did you hear anything I said?" she asks.

"No," I reply.

"At least you're honest. I was saying that I'm sure you would have a good chance against a Career."

"Why's that?"

"Well you're faster than anyone I've seen. You can climb trees, use any wilderness to your advantage, and not to mention you're wicked insane with axes or knives."

"You seem like you would bet on me."

She pauses for a few seconds. "I'd bet on you over anyone."

I start chopping at a nearby tree, and within several hard swings it comes crashing to the ground.

"I promised Rocco I would win if I got reaped," I say quietly under my breath.

"You what?!"

"I know you heard me," I retort. "Don't act like you don't know what I said."

"I know I know, calm down," she replies. "It's just startling to me. You do know how seriously he takes a promise right?"

"Sam, he's my own brother. I basically take care of him. Of course I know!"

She lets out a long sigh before returning to chopping down a tree. I didn't expect her to have an answer for me. Sometimes I don't need one. I just like to know she's listening...that she actually cares about me.

We work for another thirty minutes in silence. I never really thought that I'd come to be friends with Sam. But once I heard she worked in lumber I couldn't help but give her a chance. I wouldn't have guessed that a girl from a wealthier family would work out in the forest. Both her mother and father have some position in the Justice Building. They make good money, so I can never figure out why Sam took the job of working out here.

She seemed too girly for this kind of job. Her long blonde hair was always getting in her eyes, and sometimes she'd complain about getting dirt on her clothes. I guess she's gotten over that, but for the most part, she's extremely girly.

She still attends school...occasionally, and she's one of the most popular girls there. She has a ton of friends throughout the district, and I can never figure out how or why she took the time to get to know me better than anyone else. Sam's pretty much the complete opposite of me: Kind, caring, smart, accepting, popular, and beautiful. She's so approachable, whereas I shut everyone out of my life. Everyone really...except her and Rocco.

I unconsciously find that I have stopped working altogether and am looking at Sam. She glances up at me for a split second, and I hope she didn't notice.

"What are you doing?" she asks. Clearly there was some curiosity in her tone.

"What? Nothing, I-I was just thinking about what I said to Rocco earlier. " Shit, did I just stammer? I never do that.

"Oh, about the Games?"

"No about grasshoppers! Of course about the Games! What else have I told you about in the last hour?" The sarcasm was promptly stated in my voice, as it is most of the time.

"Enough with the sarcasm, will you please? It makes me laugh a lot, but sometimes I really don't know when you're being serious or not." She smiles at me. I swear if looks could kill I'd probably be six feet under the ground right now. _So, you like her_. No I don't! Stop with that already. _Don't tell me what to do. I'll keep bugging you about this until you finally realize it._ There's nothing for me to realize though! I'm not falling in love with my best friend. Not happening. _It's already happening dumbass!_

"Fine, I'll try," I respond after a few moments of silence.

"Good," she replies. "Let me tell you one thing, in case you happen to be reaped."

I notice that while we were chatting, we actually got plenty of work done. About twelve trees cut down. Enough for today's work.

"Ok, go on," I finally say.

"You better win, or try your best to win."

"What kind of statement is that? Of course I'll try. I always do. And especially since I promised Rocco, I won't give up, ever."

We chop down trees for another twenty minutes in silence until it's time to leave. As I walk back to the entrance of the working site, I can't help but notice that I would deeply miss everything about my district. The forests, Sam, my family...especially Rocco. Even though I hate my father, he's still part of my family. So I guess I can say a part of me does love him. But I'd be leaving everything behind if I went into the Games.

I was again unaware that Sam was speaking to me.

"Did you zone out on me again?"

"Yes, sorry. I have a ton of things on my mind," I reply. "What were you saying anyway?"

"I said that if I was reaped, what would you do?"

Wow, I was definitely not expecting that question. I had to answer her though.

After thinking about my answer I finally open my mouth. "I wouldn't be able to watch it. But stop worrying about it, you're not going to be picked." It was the only thing I could say. I mean, Sam is my best friend. I'd do anything for her, and honestly, I'd probably volunteer if she was reaped...but I can't think about anything terrible like that happening to her. It would kill me inside. I'd fall apart, and just...Ugh, Johanna get your thoughts straightened out, I tell myself.

"I hope not," she replies. Just as I begin to turn away, she grabs me by the arm and turns me toward her. "What's this?" she asks, motioning to my cheek.

"Nothing, just a fight with my father," I reply. I immediately regret saying that.

"He hit you?" she asks, anger in her voice.

"He hits me all the time. Why should you care?" I shoot back.

"I care about you," she says. "I don't want anyone to hurt you." Her piercing blue eyes burn into mine, and I have to use all my strength to keep myself from melting to the ground. Admit it, you're in love with her. No I'm not. Shut up!

"He doesn't care about me Sam. He hurts me more than you can imagine. He drives me to harm myself. Nothing ever gets better in my house and it's the only way I can deal with the pain."

"Johanna, do you have any idea what it was like when you told me earlier today that you think about killing yourself?" she asks.

"I'm so sorry for saying that. I don't know what got into me. I was just upset."

"I know. But you should know that it broke my heart to hear the girl I love say something like that," she answers.

Wait, did I just hear her say what I think she did? No, it's not possible. Sam loves me because we're best friends. She can't possibly have feelings for me. She didn't mean it in that way. _Uh, yeah she did._ I doubt it. But what if she did? Wait, do I even have the same feelings for her? _Yeah you do_. I can't. There's no way this is possible. There's no way she just said that. I feel my heart beat faster as I replay those words in my mind. I can't think about this right now. There are too many emotions flowing through me at the moment. What just happened? Why do I feel like the happiest person on the earth right now? _Sam, if you only knew what you can do to my feelings and my heart,_ I think to myself.

"Hey ax girl!" I hear a familiar voice shout, disrupting my thoughts.

I turn my head and see my long time friend, Bruce, walking toward me. I look back at Sam, and our eyes meet before she says a quick goodbye.

"You know you're not funny," I say to him once she leaves.

"Oh really?" he asks.

"Yes really. Where are you going anyway?"

"Work," he says. "Didn't you all cut down some trees?"

"Oh right. I always forget you work on that shift."

Bruce always takes the extremely late night shift for some reason. He and around ten other men load the downed trees onto a truck to be taken to the factories where they're processed into paper.

"So are you and Sam...ya know..." His words trail off as he raises his eyebrows at me.

"No!" I exclaim with a slight laugh.

"Denial," he responds smiling.

"I always think about getting attacked by wolves when I'm working. So don't get killed for my sake please," I say quickly, changing the subject. I don't need another thought about Sam entering my mind right now.

He laughs back. "Of course I won't Johanna."

Wow, his smile is gorgeous. Bruce is extremely handsome. Not hot or sexy...handsome. With raven black hair that just falls over his eyes, a tall muscular figure, and light blue eyes that capture anyone's attention, he's probably the best looking guy in our district. _Please don't think about Bruce like this. You already want Sam._ Don't put anymore thoughts of her in my brain right now! _I just did._ Please don't! I need some time to get my feelings straightened out.

He probably has a ton of girls who like him. Why would he like me? I'm two years younger than him. And plus, I don't know if I'd really want to be in a relationship with him...and I have no idea why I wouldn't either.

"Johanna are you thinking about something?" he asks, severing my thoughts.

"Only about the reapings tomorrow," I reply.

"How so?"

"I just have this strange feeling I'm going to be picked."

"I'm sure all of us have that feeling at some point. But anyone could be picked. Stop trying to force misfortune upon yourself Johanna."

I accept what he said to me, and say, "Okay, I'll try. Anyway, I have to get home."

"Oh right, sorry. Guess I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Hopefully it won't be the last time we see each other," I say.

I turn away and begin the fifteen minute walk back to my house. It's chilly to begin with, but the slight breeze only makes it colder. The blowing air cuts right through my thin sweatshirt, and soon I find myself shivering. I should really take a jacket with me when I work late nights.

I end up jogging the last five minutes to reach my house more quickly, and once I enter the front door, I immediately head for my room. I strip out of my swearshirt and work pants, throw on some pajamas, and climb into bed. The warmth of my blanket feels so good right now. Just as I'm closing my eyes to sleep, Rocco comes bursting through my door.

"What do you want?" I ask impatiently.

"I had a bad dream. Can I stay with you? Please?"

"Fine," I say with a groan. "What did you dream about?" I ask as he crawls into bed next to me.

"I was reaped," he says back.

"What kind of dream is that? You know you can't be entered for another two years."

"I know, but that wasn't the part that scared me."

"Fine, go on," I tell him.

"You were chosen too."

I swear I had a heart attack. "What? Why would you even think of that!?"

"I don't know, it just happened," he says, trying to sound innocent.

I turn around in my bed, facing away from him. "That's completely irrelevant. You can't be entered until you're twelve so stop worrying like that, okay?" I can't even think about something like that happening right now. I have enough shit on my mind...

"Okay. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you worried," he replies. "Goodnight Johanna."

"Night Rocco," I say, letting out an exasperated sigh before shutting my eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I'm startled awake to a loud crash that sounded like it was right next to me. My eyes shoot open as I sit up in bed. I notice Rocco standing beside me, and my ax lies on the floor next to him.

"Sorry," he says.

"What did you even do?"

"I was trying to get my clothes for the reaping. You put them on top of your drawer but I was too small to reach it. I dropped your ax."

"As long as you're not hurt and nothing got damaged, everything is fine." Wow, I really sounded a little too caring there for a second. _Maybe you're changing your ways._ What are you even talking about? _I'm just saying you haven't been that aggressive lately._ Just shut up already.

Standing up, I pick my ax up off the floor, and get Rocco's clothes. A very simple outfit. Black pants, and a white button down shirt. I hand them to him.

"Go get dressed, and try not to break anything while you're at it okay? The reapings aren't for a few hours so you have time."

After he leaves I throw on some black work pants and a white and black plaid, button down shirt. I leave the top four buttons open to show a little of my purple undershirt...my favorite color. I place my ax on the top of my drawer again and go to the kitchen to grab something to eat.

As I walk into the room, I see Rocco talking to an older boy. He turns around and I realize it's my older brother. I definitely wasn't expecting this.

"Gage! It's so great to see you. When did you get here?"

"Very early this morning. Nikki couldn't come, her business wouldn't let her."

"It's okay," I respond. Truthfully, seeing Gage really brightened my day. "I'm going out for a little bit. I'll be back in time though."

Before I leave, I sit down at the kitchen table and eat some breakfast with Gage. My parents join us about twenty minutes later, and my father still seems angry with me. He didn't even acknowledge my prescence at the table. After a few more minutes of silence, Gage starts a conversation with them. Just asking how they are...simple things.

"I'm leaving now," I announce. Without saying goodbye, I hurry out of my home and to the forest. It's really the last place I want to spend time in, just in case I am reaped.

To my surprise, I find Sam leaning against a tree.

"Hey Sam," I say.

"How are you?" she asks

"Alright I guess. A little nervous. But that's normal right?"

She laughs a little. Gosh, her laugh is so adorable. Just hearing it makes me smile. _Told you._ Told me what? _You like her._ Quit it, will you! "I don't know if that's normal for you. You never get nervous...or share your feelings for that matter."

"I figured this is the last place I'd want to be before the reapings. And it makes it better since you're here too."

She smiles, and her deep blue eyes meet mine. I wish I knew what she was thinking right now, how she's feeling about all this...because I know for sure I can't get my feelings towards Sam straightened out.

We spend about an hour strolling through the forest. It almost seems as if nothing's wrong about today. It feels like there are no reapings, no Games, no death. For some reason, I always get a sense of freedom whenever I'm with Sam. I can share anything with her, we talk about everything, and she knows me better than herself probably. If I'm reaped, she'll be the person I miss the most.

Suddenly, she grabs my hand. "Come on. I want to show you something," she says. Really, I don't care where she's taking me...just the fact that she's holding my hand..._Damn it, will you please stop!_ No, I like it. _Whatever...no matter how much you deny it, you like her._ Stop telling me that! _Why it's true. You wouldn't mind kissing her would you?_ Okay, you've crossed the line. I will not be kissing my best friend anytime soon. That's just wrong.

Soon, we emerge into an opening from the trees onto a large hill. From it, I can see the mountains and valleys that compose District Seven's terrain. I remember everything immediately.

"You and I spent so much time here when we were younger," Sam says, still holding my hand.

"Yeah. It's a shame we don't come here more often," I reply.

"Well we should. I like it when I have some time alone with you."

I smile when she says this, which only makes her blush. Why does she have to be so fucking adorable with everything she does? She should know it drives me crazy.

She takes a seat on the ground, and I join her a few seconds later. _She's still holding your hand, you know that right?_ I know, and I fucking love it. _You should stop cursing. Sam might not find that attractive._ Just stop...please.

"Why does he hurt you?" she asks, brushing her free hand over the bruise on my cheek.

"That's nothing Sam."

"He's done worse?"

"It's been so bad sometimes. I'd rather not talk about it," I reply flatly, turning my face away.

"Do you trust me Johanna?"

"With my life."

"Then tell me," she says.

This will be the first time I ever share that memory with someone. The first time I finally release that anger that's been inside of me for two years. I sigh before I begin. "Two years ago, I was just hanging out with my friend. You know Austen right?"

"Yeah, I've seen her a few times in school," she says.

"Alright. Well she was the first girl I ever umm, you know umm..." My words trail off.

"Kissed?" Sam finishes for me.

"Yeah. But that's not the point. So we were just sitting on the porch at the back of my house. Talking about random things, laughing, drinking, smoking, just having a good time."

"Wait. You drink and smoke? Why didn't I know about that?"

"It's not all the time. Like it's not a problem or anything. It's just when I need to take my mind off things. Well anyway, I don't know what happened but we started making out with each other. I didn't think much of it because I knew no one would know. Everyone in my house was out for the night either at work or at another friend's house. I completely forgot my father was coming home from his trip that night though. He was looking for me, probably mad at me for no reason. And when he came to the porch he saw us and he...he..." My words die out as I completely break down into tears. I try my best to hold them in but it's no use.

I feel Sam pull me into a tight hug. "It's okay," she says softly. "I'm sorry for asking. You don't have to go on."

"No. I started, I have to finish," I reply in between sobs. I take a few minutes to compose myself and suck up my emotions before continuing. "Well...at first he just broke us apart. I could tell he was upset. He was just asking what was going on between us and stuff like that. But then he really started getting angry. He pushed me onto the ground...picked me back up, and just started beating me. I defended myself and got a few punches in but he was too strong. He punched, kicked, and even stabbed me."

"What?" Sam says angrily. "Why the fuck would he stab you?!"

"He always carries around a pocket knife. I don't know why. But he pulled it out and just started taking swings at me with it. That's how I have this scar." I point to the scar just below my left eye. "Austen tried to stop him, but I just told her to get out. I didn't know what to do. I hated saying it to her, but I didn't want her to see him do that to me."

"How badly did he hurt you that night?" she asks.

"Sam, he almost killed me. Sometime during it I went unconscious. Probably from losing so much blood and from all the blows he landed to my head. But I woke up in the hospital the next day."

I feel the tears coming to my eyes again, but just hold them back. There's no way I'm crying again.

"Johanna, you can cry. It's normal," Sam says. I smile a little bit. The tears work their way up and basically fill my eyes to the brim. But I don't cry...I won't even let myself cry.

"It's fine. I think I cried enough."

"I hate the fact that he'd do something like that to you," she says. "Johanna, I love you. I don't want anything bad to happen to you."

"I love you too Sam," I reply. We just sit on the grass looking into each other's eyes. I'm usually good at reading people's eyes to know what they're feeling, but I can't even grasp what must be going through Sam's thoughts. "What are you thinking about right now?" I ask with a little curiosity.

"Trying to figure out what you're thinking about," she replies with a slight laugh.

"Just the fact that I shared that memory for the first time since it happened," I say.

"No one else knows about that?"

"Nope. Just you," I answer.

"Well, I feel special now," she says with a smirk. "We should head to the District Square now. The reapings start in half an hour."

Once we stand up, I throw my arms around Sam. "Thank you," I say to her.

She places her arms around my waist and pulls away a little bit. "Anything for you," she replies. Our eyes meet for a split second, but in that split second I feel a tug at my heart. I've never felt that before._ No._ What do you mean no? _You don't know what just happened do you?_ I don't know anything. You should know that. _You just fell into a sweet thing called love._ Is that a good thing or not? _It depends if you want it to be._ Gee, that helps my situation.

"My heart is pounding. I don't think that's okay" I say with a slight laugh, bringing my mind back to reality.

"It's going to be alright," she responds.

We make our way to the District Square. I manage to find Rocco, and give him a hug before I head to my age group with Sam.

"Everything's going to be fine," I tell him.

After everyone settles in, the mayor and announcer come out of the District Headquarters. As the mayor takes his seat, the announcer walks up to the microphone.

She's from the Capitol of course. I can't help but wonder how those people dress like they do. She wears lime green shoes, with a matching skirt and jacket. Her shirt is a mix of cotton candy colors, and her hair has blue streaks all through it. I don't see how they think that's fashionable. But what should I be saying about that, it is the Capitol after all.

She taps on the mic to make sure it works, then begins to speak.

"Welcome everyone!"

Ugh, that Capitol accent is so affected, I think. I hate everything about the Capitol anyway. It's so corrupted into the Games. Betting on who will win, cheering for their favorite, crying when they're murdered...everything about it is sick. She continues to speak, but I zone out and look around. I see Bruce across the square, and I see the worry and nervousness throughout his face. He mouths to me, "It's okay." If anything I should be the one saying that to him. Truth is, I'm freaking out right now. I know that once she pulls my name out of that reaping bowl my life is over. But none of this shows on my surface. No one can know how afraid I am.

I just nod back at him and tune myself back in. Just in time too, as she walks over to the male reaping ball. Odd, I think, they always pick the female tribute first.

The announcer shuffles the names around for a few seconds and finally picks one. She walks back to the mic and says, "Now to announce the male tribute, for the honor of representing District 7 in the 71st Annual Hunger Games!"

Silence spreads over the entire square as she opens the piece of paper.

She pauses for a second, before booming into the mic, "Bruce Lenner!"

My heart sinks after she calls his name. No, I think. Please, why Bruce?

I watch him walk up to the stage. Sadness floods his face and I can see the look in his eyes that he knows his life is over.

"Now for our female tribute!"

As she strolls over to the reaping ball, I feel Sam grab onto my hand. I know she's nervous so I tell her it will be okay. My heart feels like it's about to burst from my chest it's pounding so hard. I don't let this show on the outside of me though. I've learned from previous experinces it's never a good thing to let everyone know how you feel.

I watch carefully as the announcer snatches a name and walks back to her original spot.

"Johanna Mason!"

Me? Somehow, I'm not surprised, since I had the most chances of being picked. But something inside me doesn't feel right...I'm not sure what it is. Maybe my hope, my will to live possibly? My name seems to echo a few seconds around the square, before dying away, just as my life will be.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I seem paralyzed, frozen in time, as I think about what just happened. I feel Sam hugging me, and I know how upset she is. This doesn't feel real though. Wait, it is. I'm going into the Arena...I'm just waiting to die at this point.

"I have to go to the stage Sam, let go," I say firmly.

As I walk up to the stage, I see Rocco staring at me, and I know what he expects me to do. I stand next to Bruce, and he grabs my hand.

"It's going to be alright," he says. Oh Bruce, I think, How I wish I could believe you.

The announcer makes the closing speech about what an honor it is to be selected, and goes on about all these other things I'm not listening to. When she finishes talking, a few Peacekeepers separate Bruce and me, and take us to our waiting rooms inside the District Justice Building.

This is it, I think. The last time I'll see anyone I love.

The door opens, and Gage, Rocco, and my mother walk in. Rocco instantly hugs me, and doesn't let go. I feel my heart sink as he buries his face into my shirt and starts crying. I know I promised him I'd win...but it's not a promise I can keep. He doesn't understand that. He doesn't understand the full impact of what just happened. He only knows that the Hunger Games are just, well...a game.

"You have to win Johanna," he says, staring into my eyes.

"I will."

My mother speaks up, tears forming in her eyes, "I never thought I'd lose you this way."

I walk over and sit next to her. "You won't. I'll come home, I promise." Does my mother really have no hope in me? Does she really think I can't win? It's okay...I'm right there with her. I doubt I'll be the one coming out of the Arena.

"I hope so," she says.

I embrace her. Even though my relationship with my mother isn't very strong, I still love her. I always will. Unlike my father, who could care less about me. He didn't even come with them to say goodbye. It's not like I care though, I just return the favor to him.

Finally, I turn to Gage. He embraces me and I know I can't let him down.

"Well so much for a good visit back home," he says sarcastically.

"Absolutely," I reply, and he laughs.

"You better win. I don't know what I'd do without you. Not to mention Rocco would have a mental breakdown."

"Look, there's a very good chance I'll die. But I won't go down without a fight."

Just as he opens his mouth to say something else, Peacekeepers burst through the door and take them away from me. Rocco protests as much as he can, but eventually the Peacekeepers rip him away and out the door. After the commotion ends, I stand in the room alone, and somewhere inside me I have a feeling that's the last time I'll see them.

I sit down on the couch in the room, looking out the window, thinking about far too many things. I hear a knock on the door, and Sam walks in without waiting for me to open it. She throws her arms around my shoulders and tears start rolling down her cheeks. I wipe them off her face.

"No don't cry. Please don't cry Sam," I say gently to her. I find myself embracing her as well.

"How can I live without you?"

She's still hugging me, and I finally pull away. I stare at her intently, and my brown eyes meet her deep blue ones.

"Stop thinking that I'm going to die. I'm not. I'll win it for our district. I'll put up a fight until the end, and put on a good show for them. That's all they want anyway - ,"

"But still, what if you do die?"

"These games are one big 'What if'."

"You're my closest friend. I can't lose you...not this way. I love you Johanna...no matter how saracstic, brash, or rude you may be sometimes. I care about you so much," she replies.

I laugh a little bit before replying. "Then I'll win it for you." Truthfully, it's the only thing I could say to keep me from completely breaking down in front of her again. The only thing that matters to me right now is that Sam said those words. Those three words that made me feel my life is worth living. 'I love you.' It's been a while since I last heard those words. If only I could tell her I love her too. _You tell her that a lot though._ In a different way though. _So you're in love with her?_ I think I am. _You can tell her how you feel, you idiot._ _You just have to say it._ But she doesn't love me in that way. _Dude, she said you were the girl she loves_! I brush the subject from my mine. I know it won't matter either way. I'll end up dying in the Arena in some horrible way and never see her again.

She smiles, and hands me a necklace with a District 7 pendant on the end. "Take it with you, and wear it in the Arena, for me."

"Thanks," I reply.

She brushes her hand over my cheek, and looks intently at my bruise. "It bothers me so much knowing he abuses you."

"Physical pain is nothing," I reply. "The emotional pain is the worst. But don't worry about it. It's not like anyone cares."

"I care! I've told you a million times since I met you...I care about you. I don't want anything terrible happening to you because I love you. It's not in my control to stop what your father does to you...but if I were there I'd stand in front of you. I'd make it so he'd stop...I'd protect you. That's what people do when they love someone Johanna. They protect each other."

"Well I'm the only one who can protect myself now," I reply.

"You just never let anyone into your life. I feel like if you just spilled everything to someone like you did earlier today with me, you'd feel better. It doesn't do you any good to hold in all your anger like you do. And please, I'm not an idiot. I know those scars aren't from mistakes with an ax. You need to stop hurting yourself," she says sternly yet sympathetically. "It was enough knowing that alone, but now that I know you drink and smoke when you're upset too..." Her words trail off as tears fill her eyes. She puts her arms around my shoulders and pulls me into a tight hug. "I don't want to leave you," she says.

"I don't want you to go either. I wish none of this had happened." _Come on, you don't have much time left with her. Kiss her already_! Will you stop with that? I'm serious. _Or what_? I'll kill you, I swear. _At least tell her you love her._ I can't do it. _Why? She loves you too!_ But I can't think of the last time I said those words to someone. I don't think she'll really know how much it will take for me to say it. I let out a small sigh, and shut my eyes to stop the tears filling them. Once I collect myself, I open my mouth to speak.

"I love you Sam. I love you more than you could possibly imagine. You're my everything. You make me feel like my life is worth living every day. I love you so much." This is probably one of the only times in my entire life I ever said those words to someone, and it took all my strength and courage to do it.

She presses her forehead against mine. "I love you too Johanna." Our lips are within inches of each other's. If only I could close that distance...Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop right now. _But you know you want to kiss her!_ I wish I could. Agh, why is this so difficult? I hate love...it's so weird sometimes. Everything about it confuses me. I feel excited, happy, scared, and nervous all at the same time. If only Sam knew what she does to my feelings. _This is so cute! You're so in love with this girl._ For once you're right. I can't believe how accurate you are. Everything this girl does makes me fall even more in love with her. _Thank you for admitting it. And by the way...I said you're in love, not falling in love..._

Before either of us can say another word, a Peacekeepers bursts into the room and pulls Sam away from me. I stare at the closed door in front of me, and feel myself wanting Sam back in my arms. If only she knew I never wanted to let go...I'm going to miss life more than I thought.

A few moments later, the announcer, whom I learn is also our escort, takes me to the train station along with Bruce. He stands close, holding my hand, until our train pulls into the station. As we step onto the train, my eyes are locked on the dining cabin. Every kind of pastry and dinner item my family could never afford sits on silver platters on top of a luxurious oak wood table. The displays and decorations on the train are beautiful. It's a shame I'll be able to enjoy this kind of lifestyle only for a little while.

Our escort, who introduces herself as Atina, briefly shows us where our sleeping cabins are. After that, she leaves Bruce and me in my cabin, and strolls off to another train car. We both sit on the bed in silence for a few minutes. I run my hand over the extremely soft, silky fabric that makes up the top layer of the blanket. It feels so much more comfortable than the wool one I had at home. But still, there are some things about my house I wouldn't trade for anything...

I get up and look out the window just as the train starts to pull away. I take in every glimpse of my district I can get, knowing it just may be the last I ever see of home.


	6. Chapter 6

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Chapter 6

After another five minutes of no speaking, Bruce breaks the silence.

"I think this whole thing is sick," he says.

"How so?"

"Everything. Putting us in an arena to kill each other. They want a good show, something exciting to watch. A bloodbath until the end."

"Don't forget about all the lives cut short."

"Yeah," he replies. "A little too short."

I decide to ask him a question. "Do you think any tribute, excluding Careers, has confidence in them self if they're reaped?"

I can see him thinking about his answer.

"I'm sure some do," he finally says. "The older ones though. I doubt a twelve year old would think they stand a chance."

"I agree. But who came up with this whole betting system? The Games are sickening enough, but when did betting come into play?" I feel myself getting angry, and for no particular reason. I guess maybe it's just from knowing that I never thought I'd be in this situation. Sure, I always thought about it. But I never imagined it would become a reality. I never realized how scared I really am.

"I know," he tells me. "Johanna, you need to calm down. Becoming angry at something you have no control over is no use. Anyway, we need to meet our mentor in the dining car. Let's go."

He leads me to the dining table, and we take our seats. Our mentor better have some good survival tips. If they don't, I'm going to my car and sleeping. After all, I'm already exhausted from the lack of sleep during the last couple days.

Within a few moments, Atina walks in with a man who really doesn't look so much older than I. He plops down in the chair across from us.

"I'm Anton, and I'll be your mentor," he says clearly.

I thought Blight was our mentor. I actually met him a couple times back home. He was a nice guy, and honestly I wouldn't mind if he was our mentor.

Wait, I remember this guy. He won a few years back. How could I forget we had another Victor not too long ago? _Because you're a dumbass, that's why._ Don't call me that! _I'll call you whatever I want._ Damn, I really need to stop all this arguing with myself.

Anton looks at us for a moment, as if he's expecting us to introduce ourselves. Apparently Bruce took it that way.

"I'm Bruce, and that's Johanna," he says looking over at me.

"I'm pretty sure I can introduce myself, but thank you," I reply with an obvious tone. "How old are you anyway?" I ask Anton.

"Me?" he replies.

I look at him like he's a complete idiot. "Seriously? Of course you!"

"I'm nineteen. I know, pretty young, and I've been a mentor for two years, this is my third." I sense a little sarcasm in his voice, and I actually appreciate it. The only other person I know who can be equally sarcastic with me is Sam. Damn, it's going to be hard to get her out of my mind. _You know why?_ Please, don't even start. _Because you like her!_ Damn it, I told you to stop that!

"So when do we start this whole mentoring thing? You know, when you give us tips on how to get ourselves killed," I say with a smirk.

"Whenever you want. That is, if you do want any advice. But before that, why don't we start with any skill you two may have."

I thought I might let Bruce speak up and say something. He's gotten really quiet now. He looks at me and I nod at him, as if signaling it's okay to speak.

"I don't really think I have any skill that could keep me alive," he says.

"You've got to be kidding me!" I exclaim. "You're the strongest guy I know!"

"True, but I can't rely on brute strength to win."

I stare at him for a moment. "Well I'm sure if you threw a rock, or anything at someone's head with your strength, it would kill them."

"Johanna does have a point," Anton says, jumping into the conversation. "Strength is very important in survival. If you can overpower your opponents, that might be all you need."

Bruce sits in silence, and he appears to be thinking about the words exchanged. "I guess you're right. You know Johanna is crazy with an ax." The fact that he just said "crazy" kind of worries me. I wouldn't even say that about myself. I'm "skilled" with axes. Working out in the forest my entire life definitely gave me that advantage. Then again, nearly every tribute from District Seven had that ability. Alright so maybe I am crazy with an ax...I don't think anyone else has my accuracy or strength with one.

"Oh really?" Anton asks, sitting on the edge of his chair.

"Yeah! Wherever she wants to hit something, that's where the ax goes. She never misses."

"Is this true?" asks Anton, turning his attention to me.

"I'm alright. I mean, I certainly don't walk around my district chucking axes everywhere. But yeah I do hit my targets." The truth is, I actually did practice throwing axes during any spare time I had with Sam. I guess you could say some of the lumberjacks didn't feel too safe around us. But Bruce was right; I never miss my target...

Anton nods his head in approval. "You better show that off during training."

Just as I open my mouth to say something, Atina bursts through the door.

"Dinner time!" she says cheerfully.

How is she so excited over dinner? I think. There is definitely something wrong with these Capitol people. Or maybe they're all just high on some Capitol drug. Well, whatever she's taking, I may need some. At least it'll help me feel happier.

As we all take our seats and the food is brought out, I realize that I'm not hungry. I've never had grilled salmon, and it's always been something I wanted to try. I sit for a few minutes, eyeballing my fish, almost expecting it to jump off my plate.

"Johanna, aren't you going to eat?"

I glance up and see Bruce looking at me.

"You don't want to go in the Games on an empty stomach."

"I'm just not that hungry tonight," I say back.

I stand up, walk over to another table to grab an orange and some water, and head to my room.

Setting my food and drink down on the dresser, I collapse on my bed. Too many thoughts rush into my mind at once. About home, Rocco, Sam, the Games, tributes, and just plain reality. There's nothing wrong with feeling nervous right? It's just not showing it, that's the important thing. If the other tributes don't know how afraid I am then...wait. I sit up in my bed as an idea rushes into my mind.

If the other tributes know I'm afraid, then they'll underestimate me. Maybe it's not even that. Maybe it's just pretending I can't do anything remotely related to fighting. Agility and speed are natural skills I have, but I doubt those would be a threat to someone. Maybe I could out-run them, but if I act like I have no ability to fight with a weapon or in melee combat then they'll think I'm a joke. They'll ignore me, thinking that someone else will finish me off before they can. That's perfect! It'll work, it has to...hopefully. I can't imagine how I'll act as a weakling, since I'm always the tough girl. And plus, if any tension builds between another tribute and me, I can't control how I'll react. Well, it's worth a shot. At least it might buy me an extra day in the Arena.

A wave of drowsiness suddenly passes over me. I'm more exhausted than I thought. Just as I'm getting ready to take a shower, I hear a knock on my door. Annoyed, I storm over and yank the door open. Bruce stands there with a shocked expression.

"Sorry," I say.

"It's fine. Can I come in?"

"Sure. Just warning you, if I kick you out don't be offended. I need to shower and we have a few hours to talk tomorrow."

"Okay. Is anything upsetting you?"

"Yeah kind of." Bruce looks at me with a puzzled expression, probably surprised that for once I admitted something, which I never do. I've learned to conceal my true feelings and thoughts. If I didn't, then there would be too much sympathy coming from everyone I know. I hate that...whenever people pity me. It makes me feel helpless, like I'm not strong enough to handle my own problems, which I am. I cope with the pain. Well, maybe cutting myself isn't exactly the best way to go about it, but it works.

"What about?" Bruce asks, bringing my mind back to reality.

Gosh how many questions does he have, I think to myself. I might as well just tell him. It's not like sharing anything in the Games could help.

"Everything," I say. "My brother, Sam, home, even you."

"It's alright, I know how you feel."

I laugh a little at this. Because really, he doesn't know how I feel, no one does except me, and I'm in no mood to share my emotions with someone right now. There is just one thing I can say to him, so I decide to speak up.

"But I feel like reality is, for the most part, setting in on me."

He looks puzzled by my statement. "What do you mean by that?"

"I'm pretty sure someone smart like you would understand."

He has a smirk on his face when he says, "Well I'm sorry, I don't know."

"Fine," I reply sighing. "I think that I finally recognized that I'm only so far away from death. Even though I get to enjoy my time living luxuriously for the next few days or so, I know that I won't see my family again."

"Johanna you really need to stop this negative thinking. If you don't, you'll give up, and you're not the type of person to give up."

I focus my sight on him, and see my eyes reflecting into his. He's right, I don't give up. I just wish I hadn't fought with my father the last time I saw him, and there's no way I'm telling Bruce that. Instead, I keep my words simple.

"I'll try my best. You should get some sleep." I think about taking a shower, but decide I'm too tired for one.

"Okay," he says lying down on my bed.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Going to sleep," he says with a grin. I swear Bruce can be such a flirt sometimes. It's not like this will turn into anything more...Will it? I think. No, it won't. I mean sure, I would jump into a relationship with Bruce in a second. He's smart, handsome, strong, funny, and a huge sweetheart. But for some reason, he seems like he'd be too easy to lose. And we're going into the Arena with each other. There's only one winner... _Plus, you already want Sam._ Shut up, will you please?_ I'm just saying, if she were in that bed you'd get on her._ I totally would. _Interesting to know you really want to sleep with Sam._ Fuck, why is my mind in the gutter?

But wait...am I in love with Sam? _Yes you are._ I am? _Yes._ How do you know that? _I'm you, you fucking idiot. I know how you feel because I am you_. Shit, I'd never think I'd be in love...especially with a girl!_ But you like girls._ Well, yeah...but I'd never think about being in a relationship with one. Especially my best friend! _Well...you want Sam. You're in love with her, and you said it yourself too._ I'm head over heels in love with her. _Hah, admitted it again._ Just stop making me think about this. _You won't be able to, you know that right?_ Yeah, that's probably true.

"Well I can see any effort to make you return to your room will fail," I say, brushing that idea from my mind for the moment.

As I crawl into bed next to him, I ask him one more question. "Bruce, do you have hope and confidence in yourself? Do you think you have a chance at making it out of the Arena?"


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Bruce remaines quiet for a while, which means he's either sleeping or thinking about my question. Just as I start to drift off into sleep, he speaks up.

"A little."

"A little doesn't cut it," I reply. "If you want the slightest chance at winning you need full confidence, and complete determination."

"Yeah, well I don't have that."

"Well that's just wonderful."

"Look," he says, "I'm not like you."

I turn over and face him. "What do you mean?"

"I don't have the ability to always say to myself that I have a chance. I recognize that there are going to be stronger tributes. They have skills, and I don't."

I can't believe what he just said. I never knew Bruce was so self deprecating when it came to these kinds of things. He really thinks that he stands no chance against the other tributes. Of course, I'm probably more self deprecating than he is, I just keep it to myself.

"No, that's not true," I say reassuringly. "You have strength, size, and speed. I'm sure that has to count for something."

He brushes my hair off my face and looks into my eyes. "I wish I did. But you can walk into a place where everyone there is bigger and stronger than you, and act like it's nothing. You put all that aside, and only focus on what you're doing. I don't have that ability."

I'm truly shocked by his words. It is true though, and most of the time I do it just because I don't want to deal with people. They annoy me most of the time, but I guess it is a good skill to have. Well, maybe not, but apparently Bruce thinks it is.

Bruce doesn't know that I'm actually terrified of going into the Arena. I mean, I could die in less than a minute! The thought of it makes me so nervous and fearful. If only he knew that I'm more scared than he is. If only he knew how afraid I am of death...

"Well, you better have that ability during the next few days," I say quickly, distracting myself from my own thoughts. It's the best thing I can say. I'm not that good at giving any sort of inspirational advice, since I never had any of it growing up.

He laughs, "At least I know you can still put a smile on my face."

I'm really not sure how to respond to that. It's not very often someone says something kind to me. So, I turn back around and close my eyes. "Get some rest Bruce. We reach the Capitol early tomorrow, and then it's only a matter of time before the Arena."

He sighs. "Fine. And I'll try my best to not let the other tributes discourage me."

"You better not," I say falling asleep.

"I won't! But you have to show off your skills with an ax during training. They'll be intimidated by you."

"I already have a plan," I respond turning off the lights. Damn, I really hate the Games. How will I be able to kill Bruce? Wait...what? Did I really just think that? There's no way I'm killing him. He's my friend. But eventually one of us will die. One of us has to die. What if we're the last two remaining? What happens then? I think I'd be the first one to strike...

I close my eyes and push these thoughts away as I try to sleep. I know I won't be able to think about anything else but this for a while now. But for now I think about Sam, Rocco, returning home to my family. I think about making it out of the Arena, but still holding onto my humanity. I know these thoughts won't be in my mind tomorrow. Soon, I'll be thinking about murdering teenagers, and the possibility of my own death. But right now these images and thoughts don't surface. I try my hardest to push them to the back of my mind and forget about them, even if it's just for the moment.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

The pounding on my door early the next morning startles me awake. As I roll out of bed, I make sure Bruce is still sleeping. Good, I think, one less person to deal with right now.

I walk to the door, taking my time to get there, and pull it open. To my surprise, Anton stands there, arms behind his back, and a very stressed look on his face.

"Well you look terrible this morning," I say with a grin.

"I wanted to talk to you."

I look back into my room, first at Bruce, then at the time.

"At barely five in the morning?"

"Yeah, if you wouldn't mind."

I step out into the hallway of the train and look at him. "This better be important. I haven't gotten much sleep the last couple of days, and I really would like to."

"I understand, but this is about the training days before the Games."

"Alright," I reply. "Sounds like it's worth my time."

He leads me to the lounge car, and we sit on the velvet covered couch next to each other.

"So," he says, "I want you to show them how talented you are with the weapons they have. The main point of training is to look intimidating. You want that 'Don't mess with me' appearance, and you clearly have that to begin with anyway. Can you throw any other kind of weapon?"

I think for a minute. "I'm alright with knives, and when it comes to hand on hand combat I could probably take someone out."

"Alright. Any other skills you have?"

"I'm pretty fast, and I can stay quiet easily."

He glances at me a few times, not saying anything for a couple minutes. I feel myself growing impatient and break the silence.

"Why did you want to talk to me about this in the first place?"

He stares at me intently as he says, "I wanted to find out which one of you two has the best chance at winning."

"Oh," I reply. "You know you could've just woken both of us up at the same time."

"I could've, but I chose not to." He looks around the room before turning his attention back to me. I'm not the type of person who can hold eye contact for more than a few seconds. Looking away, I notice Bruce walking through the doorway.

"I was wondering where you went," he says with a smile. He takes a seat next to me on the couch.

We chat for a few more minutes about nothing in particular until I decide that I really want to continue the conversation Anton and I were having earlier. I mean, he seems like he knows what he's talking about. Maybe he really has some good advice for me.

"Why don't you get some rest? It's not even five thirty," I say.

"You should," Anton chimes in.

"Why? Are you two talking about something I shouldn't hear?"

Anton looks over at me, then turns to Bruce. "No, but you do seem tired."

"Fine," replies Bruce. "I'll go back to bed. Someone wake me for breakfast."

He stands up, walks over to a table to grab an apple, then heads back to his room. Well, my room actually. Once I'm sure he's gone, I turn and face Anton again.

"So what was the topic of discussion between us?"

"I asked you about any skills you had, since I think you have the best chance at winning."

"You don't believe Bruce can win?"

"It's not that. I just think he gets down on himself. He seems like he compares himself way too much to other people."

"Well he does," I say. "Last night he told me he only had a little confidence."

Anton looks taken aback by what I said. I watch him fill a glass of water before sitting down next to me again.

"I'd never expect a tribute to make that sort of statement," he finally says.

"Why?"

"It's just not right. Tributes who don't have a shot at winning keep it to themselves. They don't let other people know it. In training, they try their hardest, but in their mind and heart they know they aren't going to make it."

He focuses his sight on me, and I see the worry and seriousness showing in his bright green eyes. After a few moments of staring and silence, I turn away and speak up.

"Bruce is an expressive person. There's nothing you can do about that."

"I just hope he at least tries to prove himself during training. You better too."

"I have a plan. But it's for our individual evaluations. And I guess in the two days of training with all the tributes as well."

"Tell me. You seem like a clever person."

"Well, I'm not sure if it's the best plan ever, but I want to get a lower score on my evaluation, and make the other tributes think I'm weak."

Anton stands up and starts pacing back and forth. I'm not sure if it's frustration or if he's just thinking about what I said.

"Are you ok?" I decide to ask.

"Yeah, I'm fine. That's actually not a bad idea."

"Wow, really?"

He sits back down on the couch and says, "Well, the Careers, from what I've seen, have always left the weaker tributes for the end, or they think they'll be killed off by another tribute. And in most cases they are. Usually the Careers want an easy win. Eliminate the threats early then make it seem like winning is nothing, ya know? So I totally see what your intention is."

"Yeah. I don't want to get a really low score, but maybe a seven or six. It's just so they underestimate me a little, and leave me alone for the most part."

I see him thinking about what to say next. "True. But be sure to show off a little of your skills during the regular training sessions. Obviously, if they see you throwing an ax straight into the bulls eye of a dummy's head, they'll know not to mess with you."

"Don't the other tributes base everything on the scores though?" I ask.

"Yes. They're very ignorant during the training sessions of other tributes' abilities. That's why if you look threatening, you may pick up a few allies."

Allies don't seem like my kind of thing. I'd have to split food and water, when those necessities will be hard to find anyway. And plus, they could turn on me at any minute. I can't trust anyone in the Arena.

"I don't think I'll need an ally. But if someone comes to me and hints at the possibility, I'll think about it."

"Always consider any options you have," he replies. "They might end up saving your life."

Glancing over at the clock, I notice it's almost six. We report for breakfast at seven thirty.

"I should get a little more rest," I say standing up.

"Alright. But make sure you and Bruce are in the dining car no later than seven forty-five. We should reach the Capitol around eight thirty."

"Sure thing," I respond walking out of the lounge car.

When I reach my car, I knock on the door. Within a few seconds Bruce opens it for me.

"Hey," he says. "Finally came back."

"I was only gone for about an hour."

I climb into bed next to him, and before I drift off I hear Bruce speaking to me.

"You can win this thing Johanna. I believe in you, and you'll bring our district great pride. But I don't know how I can leave you - "

"Stop," I say interrupting him. "Just get some more rest. We'll be at the Capitol soon, and then you can talk to me. But now, I can't hear this. I can't stand listening to you say you're going to die. You never know. I might get killed."

"Fine I'll stop."

"Good." I can't believe he just said those things. It honestly makes me sort of angry. I never want to hear a friend of mine say they're going to die, or they don't want to leave me, blah blah blah all that other shit. I mean really? Sam is the only friend I have that knows how emotionally messed up I am. So hearing more stuff about death doesn't help me since I think about that almost every day. Every day I push away the thought of taking my life...but now my own death seems so close. I might as well just give up and die in the Arena.

_No. You're never going to give up._ Why? _You have to get back to Sam_. Right. I can't leave her. I love her. _Ha! I'm doing a great job at making you admit it. _I've always loved her though.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

It's not even an hour later when Anton knocks on my door again. Bruce and I are both startled, and I'm a little annoyed.

"Well hello there," I say to Anton after opening the door. "I wasn't expecting you to wake us up until seven thirty."

"Sorry. We are nearing the Capitol sooner than I thought, and you should be awake for our arrival."

"How much longer?" Bruce asks walking behind me.

"About an hour or so," replies Anton.

He leads us to the dining car, and we take our seats around the table. I snatch a few pieces of bread, and spread some cream cheese on them. I'm still not very hungry.

"Johanna, eat some more."

Taking a bite of my bread, I look up at Bruce. "Don't worry. I'll eat more when we get to the Capitol."

We eat in silence for the next few minutes. "Do you have a plan Bruce?" asks Anton.

"For the Games?"

"Yes, what else would I be talking to you about?"

"Alright, chill," says Bruce with a slight laugh. "But no I don't. I guess my plan is to stay alive."

"I think that's everyone's plan," I chime in.

Bruce turns his attention to me. "Well I might try to get an ally. That always helps."

"Don't worry about allies. I'll be that for you. But we have to try our best to get to each other from our platforms."

Anton interrupts our conversation. "You two can plan later. There's the Capitol!"

I'm not necessarily thrilled with anything about the Capitol. _I might as well see what it looks like_, I think. As I walk to the window, I realize that I'm actually excited to at least see the Capitol. The first thing I notice is the Capitol Building. How original. Its golden roof reflects the sunlight beaming down on it in every direction. The Capitol is bigger than I thought. In fact, it's huge. Everything about it looks so...pure, like there's nothing wrong with it.

"Pretty amazing huh?" Bruce asks. I was completely unaware he was standing next to me.

"Yeah it's nice," I reply.

Suddenly, our train moves into darkness. Probably pulling into the train station. We emerge into a brightly lit area where our train pulls to a stop. Capitol citizens crowd the standing platforms to catch a glimpse of us. I notice another train also pulling in next to us across the platform.

Bruce and I take a seat for a few minutes before Atina escorts us to the doors of the train. We exit on the side opposite of the citizens. Good, I think. I don't want to deal with any people today.

We are led straight into a long corridor with stalls on either side. They're organized by district, with boys on the right, and girls on the left.

"This is where you'll be cleaned off so you're ready to see your stylist," says Atina.

Bruce and I are separated at the District 7 area. I notice four Capitol people sitting down in the room. Must be the prep squad.

"You must be Johanna Mason," says a younger lady with blue and pink hair tied in a bun on the top of her head.

"Yeah that's me," I reply hesitantly. I hope my stylist doesn't look like these people.

"All we have to do is clean you off and get you ready for your stylist," another member of the team chimes in. He's a middle aged man, with red and black hair parted to the side. He also has matching red eyeliner with glitter mixed in. I don't know how these people think these looks are fashionable.

The first thing I'm instructed to do is take a shower. I actually want to, since Bruce prevented me that night on the train. I wash my hair, like the prep team said. I don't really see the point in this, since they'll probably just wash it again later. But, they said so, and why would I really want to get into an argument over a shower with my prep team? Plus, the warmth of the water feels really nice right now.

After I condition my hair, I dry off, and I'm given a bath robe to sit in while they get to work. While one of the women tweezes my eyebrows, she starts talking to me.

"You have a different stylist this year. Maybe he'll do something different with you two."

"I hope so. I'd hate to be a tree, like so many of our tributes."

She laughs. These Capitol people are amused way too easily.

Once they wax my legs and brush my hair, they leave me alone in the room, and inform me that my stylist won't be long. While I'm waiting, I take a look at myself in the mirror. They really transformed my look. I didn't even recognize myself.

I feel much cleaner now that I've showered, and my hair feels silky smooth. The prep team styled it so that it's straighter and they made the layers more noticeable. I always thought about letting it grow longer past my shoulders, but it would get in my way during work back at home. When I was eleven I tried this, but ended up cutting it short again a couple weeks later. My thoughts are disrupted by the sight of a young man walking through the door.

"Hi," he says. "You're Johanna right?"

"Yeah, who else would I be?" I reply with a slight laugh.

"I'm Neo, and I'll be your stylist. Instead of the usual tree outfits other tributes had to suffer wearing, I've decided to do something a little different."

"Good. I would never wear an outfit like that." District Seven's previous stylist was never actually creative. It seemed as if she really tried to turn the tributes into trees. Everything about the costumes was terrible. I guess that's why I normally hated watching the chariot rides.

Neo pulls out a sketchpad from his shoulder bag, and flips through a few pages. He stops on one and places it on the table. I walk over and take a look at his design. It actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The top looked a velvety red color, and was just a long sleeved button down shirt for both of us.

"Now the top," he says, "Will be a more silky type of fabric, rather than the regular cotton shirts you wear."

"It sounds nice. And definitely more comfortable."

"It should be," he replies brushing his golden blonde hair out of his eyes. For a Capitol citizen, he's at least a little more normal looking. The only funky thing about him is one dark blue streak running through his hair and about six multi-colored earrings in both his ears. My eyes wander back to the sketchpad to examine the longer skirt I'm supposed to wear.

"Are there actually going to be rips in it?" I ask.

"Yes. But smaller ones. I still want the District 7 look in it, but not so much that you do end up becoming a tree." He laughs after saying this, and I smile a little.

I take another look at the sketching of our costumes, and realize that I really do like the idea of it. The pants and long skirt Bruce and I are going to wear still have the tree design to them, but the rips sort of take away from that and add a little style. The silky red shirts we'll wear look comfortable yet up to Capitol par with a flashy, fashionable look. This outfit has to draw some attention during the parade.

"Now the chariot rides are later tonight," I hear Neo say. "It's a great time to stand out. Pretty much everyone does, but you want a stylish outfit that captures the essence of your district. However, you don't want to go over the top with it."

"Right," I reply. "I like the idea of the costume. I'm very happy we aren't like full blown trees."

"I am too," he says with a slight laugh. "We have the costumes all set, so about an hour or so before the parade we'll have you and Bruce try them on."

"Sounds good."

He motions for me to take a seat. Once we're both settled in a chair he speaks up.

"While I was chatting with Bruce about the parade tonight, he had some interesting things to say."

"Let me guess," I say rolling my eyes. "He wishes that neither of us were reaped and thinks he has no chance at winning."

Neo looks at me, and my brown eyes meet his blue ones speckled with green. "I'm assuming this isn't the first time he's said that."

"Not at all. He told me like a million times on the train here."

"I hope he knows it's going to work against him once the Games start."

"I hope so too," I reply. "But I don't think he cares anymore. Sometimes I get the feeling that in some way, he wants to die. Whether it's protecting me or just giving up hope, he knows his life is over, and he doesn't even bother to try and say to himself that it might not be."


	10. Chapter 10

**Be sure to comment and like. Thanks! Love you. Enjoy :)!**

Chapter 10

After a few minutes of silence, Neo stands up and heads for the door.

"Where are you going?" I inquire.

"To see how your costumes are. I have to make sure everything's perfect. You and Bruce can grab something to eat before you'll need to try the outfit on."

"Alright. Have fun," I reply with a smirk.

Neo laughs and then strolls out of the room.

Once he leaves I examine myself in the mirror again. I can't believe that for how these people dress, they do know how to completely change someone's appearance.

I feel myself growing bored with nothing to do, so I walk over to my dressing room door and push it open. To my surprise, Bruce is waiting for me. He walks over to me and gives me a quick hug, which I'm totally unprepared for.

"I was wondering how long you were going to stay in there," he says with a smile.

"Well now I'm not. Let's get something to eat. We have about two hours until Neo will call us to try on our costumes."

"Oh yeah. They look great. I was glad we weren't trees."

"That was my reaction," I respond.

I check out Bruce a little as we make our way into a sort of dining place close to our preparation area. He looks extremely handsome, and he always does. The prep team didn't do a whole lot. The only huge difference is his hair. It was always a little messy, mostly because he just didn't style it back home. But now it's straighter and sort of swoops to the right just falling over his eyes.

He notices me staring at him as he takes a sandwich to eat.

"What?" he says. "Wait, I know. I'm so good looking you can't take your eyes off me." He laughs and I look away, taking a sandwich as well.

"Actually, that is true," I respond. "In fact, you could probably win the Games just by looking as gorgeous as you are."

As we take a seat across from each other, I notice some of the other tributes looking over at us. Bruce's voice distracts me from glancing back at them.

"I'm not sure if you were being sarcastic or not when you said that, but you look beautiful as well."

I glance up at him. "Thanks. I didn't even recognize myself." I wasn't really sure how to respond to his comment. I've never gotten 'beautiful' from a guy before. It's a first. Most guys usually called me hot or sexy, which I don't appreciate at all. But then again, Bruce is a huge sweetheart.

Standing up, I leave Bruce at the table to grab some water. I try to clear my mind of anything regarding the Arena for now. Wow, that'll be hard to do. It's impossible to escape these thoughts: Of tributes, the Games, murdering teenagers, the possibility of my death. It all makes me so terrified...

While turning the corner to the drink machine, I bump into a girl a couple inches shorter than me. She's obviously a tribute.

"Sorry about that," she says.

"Sorry for what? I'm the one who ran into you."

She smiles at me. "You must be from District Seven."

"Yeah, how do you know?" I ask.

"Well one, it's not that hard to tell," she says nodding towards some of the scars on my hands. "And two, other tributes are talking about you and your partner as well. They say you two make a lethal pair."

"Interesting you could notice that just by my hands," I reply with a slight smile. "And I highly doubt we could be a threat in the Arena. What district are you from?"

"District Two," she replies. "I am a Career, but I try to stay away from the others."

I've never heard that one before. But it is the Games. You can't trust anyone.

"I'm not quite sure how to respond to that, but you must be pretty confident not to ally with them."

She smiles, and brushes her brownish blonde hair out of her face. "Yeah, you could say that. Mind if I join you?" she asks, motioning to where Bruce sits.

"You can sit with us," I reply. "But we might have to leave soon. Our stylist needs us to try on our costumes."

"Okay," she replies.

Bruce lifts his head and acknowledges us as we sit down.

"Hi there," he says to the girl from Two.

"Hi. I'm Harper."

"Nice to meet you. I'm Bruce, and that's Johanna." He nods at me and I turn my attention to Harper.

"If you don't mind me asking, what did you specialize your training in at the Academy in your district?"

"I mostly trained in melee combat. But I also throw spears pretty well, and I worked on quickness too," she replies. I watch her light gray eyes move to my hands. "You work in lumber right?"

"Yeah. It's tough work." Truthfully though, those scars aren't from an ax. I was shocked that Sam knew what they were from. But then again, she does know everything about me.

She smiles and takes a sip of water before speaking up again. "So you should be good with an ax."

"I mean, I can chop down trees. That's pretty much it."

"She's better than that," Bruce says jumping into the conversation. "She can hit the bulls eye every time!" _Damn it,_ I think. If he goes around telling everyone how skilled I am with an ax then my plan to look weaker will definitely fall through.

An impressed look crosses Harper's face when she says, "That's awesome. Would you two like to ally with me? I mean, I know you probably don't trust me anyway since I'm a Career. But still...I'm sure the three of us could definitely hold our own."

The question seems to catch Bruce off guard, as he stops himself from answering her. I however, wasn't surprised at all. From the moment Harper started conversation I saw this question coming. Since I can tell Bruce doesn't know how to respond, I take the matter into my own hands.

"How do we know you'll be a loyal ally? There is only one winner."

"Well I chose not to ally with the other Careers," she says. "Truthfully, they're the ones I trust the least. I think that should be enough."

"Pretty good reason," I respond.

It's pretty tough for me to fully trust someone upon instantly meeting them. But Harper seemed loyal and trustworthy just by her looks. For a Career to break away from the rest, that's pretty brave to begin with. And the fact that she began a conversation with Bruce and me showed that she had to have some feeling of protection and faith in us...Plus, she's really attractive. _Dude, seriously? _What? She is! _I can't believe you sometimes._

My thoughts are disrupted when Harper says, "I think your stylist is coming to get you."

"It's probably time for our chariot outfits," I say back.

"Then I should get going too. The time went by so fast." As she walks past me after we say goodbye, she pulls me toward her by my arm. "And...you're really hot," she says with a wink. I smile back at her before turning my attention to Neo as comes over to me.

"The costumes are ready, and I think you'll love them."

We walk into an open area, with small dressing areas for each district. Once we reach our section, Neo goes to a small closet and pulls out our costumes. They look amazing. He hands us our individual outfit to try on. As I walk into a dressing stall, I notice how extremely soft the fabrics are. I've never worn a silk shirt before, and I guess that's an advantage of the Capitol. They basically have everything they want here.

I undress, and throw on the outfit. Its fits perfectly, and as I look back at myself in the mirror, I notice I really have a girly figure. Back home, I never wore items like this, let alone tight fitting clothes.

Walking out of the stall, I approach Bruce, who looks gorgeous in the costume.

"Wow," he says. "You look amazing."

"Thanks, you too." Seriously, what is up with him and complimenting me? Okay, maybe he does have a crush on me but we're going into the Arena soon. It's pointless.

We walk around in them for a few minutes to make sure they fit correctly. Not too far down the hall, I catch Harper's eye, and she comes over to me.

"You look nice," she says taking a seat in a nearby chair.

"So do you."

She's wearing a shorter dress, that just makes it past her knees. The top half is low cut, and just a plain gray color except for a bright red star in the center that reflects light in all directions. The bottom half is full of vibrant yellows, blues, and reds. They too, reflect the light. Her hair seems a bit wavier as well, and she actually looks very beautiful.

"I'm surprised you aren't trees," she says laughing.

"I was too," I respond without cracking a smile. I look over at her, and eventually I am smiling. _Wow, I really don't get you sometimes._ Oh come on! How is me looking at her implying anything? _Uh dude, you basically just undressed her with your eyes_. And you're just sounding ridiculous right now.

I let out a small sigh to get rid of some of my frustration. I hate arguing with myself. I feel stupid for doing it while I'm around other people. Well... Oh please, don't even comment.

"What?" she asks.

"Nothing. I'm just thinking about what's to come after these next few days."

Harper's face becomes serious as she states, "I know what you mean. I guess we just have to enjoy the time we have now."

"I don't mean to be rude, but will I really be able to trust you in the Arena?" I ask.

"I get your point. I'm still deciding where my trust is at with you right now too. But I'd fight with you and protect you in any way I could," she answers.

"What happens if it comes down to the two of us? I mean, one of us will have to shoot first, ya know?"

"I guess we can figure that out when it happens," she replies before walking away.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Harper is right about that. We should enjoy everything now. It is pretty disturbing to think that the Capitol lets us live a life of luxury for almost a week. Then next thing you know, you're in the Arena, and will probably die within the first thirty seconds.

I watch her stroll back to her dressing area before I return to mine as well. Bruce and Neo are both waiting for me.

"Nice to know Harper's become your friend," I hear Bruce say.

"I wouldn't call it that. It's more like, oh let's just say, allies." The sarcasm is clearly stated in my tone, and Bruce just laughs.

"So," Neo says, "The tribute parade is in about twenty minutes. We should make any final preparations you may need."

"I think everything's fine," Bruce answers.

"Alright. If you want to walk around more in them you can, or you could just hang out for a little bit."

I take that as a cue and plop down onto the white leather couch in our dressing area. My legs are tired from standing so much during the last hour. Bruce joins me and I decide it would be a good time to chat with him.

"Do you think Harper will be a loyal ally?" I ask. I know it's easy for Harper to say it herself, but I want his opinion too.

"Towards me, I'm not sure. But she will definitely protect you."

His words puzzle me a little. "What do you mean?"

Bruce hesitates, thinking about his words. "I think Harper has more trust in you. It seems like she would do anything to make sure you live."

"I'm sure she would protect you too," I say back to him. "And how could you make that assumption already. We only talked to her for five minutes basically."

Harper does act like she has a strong allegiance towards me, but I know she would protect Bruce. I'm just not sure to what extent though. I mean, there's only so much you can do for someone in the Games. I can tell by the look on Bruce's face he wants to say something else, but before he gets a chance to, Neo comes over to us.

"They have the chariots ready, so we should head over to them."

We walk to our chariot, and I notice most of the other tributes are at theirs as well. They are all the same chariot design, except for each individual district seal carved into the sides. Neo motions for us to step onto the platform of our chariot, and we do as we're told.

Within another five minutes, all the tributes are on their chariots. As we start edging towards the opening to the area we ride through, I can hear the roaring of the crowd. I guess the hype really is for the Capitol people. All we have to do is smile and wave.

"I've never heard people scream so loud," Bruce says to me.

"Yeah. They're insane," I reply.

I look ahead of me, and see the first chariot take off, then the second, and we all follow. Once we enter the stadium, I'm completely engulfed by the deafening roar of the crowd. It seems as if it grows louder every time a new district comes out.

The horses that pull our chariot begin to slow down as we pass the end of the crowd. I look around, and easily spot the sponsors. I know there are many more in the stands, and they look as if they are inspecting each tribute to figure out which ones will make it the furthest in the Games.

_All these people are sick_, I think to myself.

Once all the chariots are stopped, we wait for the usual message from the president. I glance up to see President Snow walk up to the microphone. Ugh, President Snow. Even his name is repulsive.

As he takes his place on the podium, the crowds cheering gets even louder. You would think they're watching the last two tributes fight each other. But this is just for the president, who only says about three sentences! These Capitol people are so corrupted, no wonder I hate everything about it.

President Snow's voice brings my focus back to reality.

"Welcome tributes. And welcome Panem, to the 71st Annual Hunger Games! As usual, may the odds be ever in your favor."

He steps down from the podium, and the crowd goes wild. We leave them behind and are pulled into an open area where we meet up with Neo, Anton, and Atina.

"You looked great," Neo says. "In fact, I think this is one of the first years no tribute had a horrific costume!"

It was true, all the tributes looked amazing.

"Now," Atina says, excitement in her voice, "You get to see where you'll be staying for the next few days. This year, District 7 gets the loft!"

"Sounds great," Bruce says. "I can't wait to see it."

We are led past the other tributes to get to the elevator, and Harper nudges me with her hip as we walk past. "See you in training," she says.

"For sure," I reply smiling.

After we enter the elevator, I notice Bruce looking at me, a smirk across his face.

"What?" I ask.

"Oh nothing. I'll tell you when we reach our floor."

The elevator stops, and the doors slide open, revealing a brightly lit living room area. It's incredible. There are black leather couches in the living room, a sparkling glass table with black tainted chairs in the dining room, and a huge TV hanging on the wall above a fireplace outlined with pearly white marble.

If this is what the main rooms look like, then I can't wait to see my bedroom. They really do have everything they want in the Capitol, I think.

The presence of Bruce next to me brings my mind out of my thoughts.

"It's amazing," he says to me.

"Sure is."

I walk with him to what is now my bedroom for the next few days and take a seat on the edge of the bed. Bruce sits next to me and soon his smile turns into laughter.

"What have you been laughing at for the last five minutes?" I ask skeptically.

"Alright fine. Calm down," he says. "Don't kill me for saying this, but I think Harper may like you."

"Are you crazy?"

"Nah, I'm pretty sure she has a thing for you," he says back, still laughing.

"Seriously? Are you a complete idiot? You should know I already like someone anyway." Wow, I can't believe I admitted that, I think to myself. I don't know what it is, but I think I'm actually starting to fall for Bruce a little. _What the fuck is wrong with you?!_ What are you talking about? _You love Sam you idiot! How could you let yourself fall for him_?! I don't know! I just wasn't thinking. _Damn right you weren't. You need to stop this._ How? _You're smart. You'll figure it out._

"Really? Who?"

"Who do you think I've been looking at since the reaping?"

"So you're one of the many girls who has a crush on me." His laughter fades away, but a grin still remains. "Well guess what?"

"What?" I ask turning away. This is bad. I shouldn't let myself fall for him. I can't let myself fall for him. We're going into the Arena in a few days. Bruce is my ally, and I know eventually one of us will die. And deep down in my heart I know it will be him. _Just go along with it._ What? _Act like you love him. Make him think you'll protect him, and when it finally comes down to a few tributes left it'll be easier for you to kill him._ Wow...you're a genius. _Thanks, I try. It shouldn't be that hard to do. _True. I'll make it work. I'll be the one coming out of the Arena. Bruce is just another piece in the Games. All I have to do is play him like one. _Exactly...you're not as stupid as I thought you were. _Gee thanks...

"Out of all those girls back home that like me, there's only one I like back. Or I should say, love back. Everything about her...it makes me smile," Bruce says, drawing me out of my thoughts of my plan to kill him in the Arena. "We're just so different from each other in so many ways, I feel like I can learn something from her attitude, and maybe the same thing can happen to her. I don't know if she loves me though. She never let me get to know her that well. She likes to keep herself distant from other people."

"Who?" I'm genuinely curious now.

"I've known her for a while, and I've never had the guts to ask her out on a date."

I laugh at this. "Seriously? What could she do to you that you can't just ask her?"

"I'm not sure," he says looking in my eyes. "But I know she could definitely throw an ax at me." He laughs, and before I get a chance to reply, he leans over and places his lips on mine.

"Of all the girls in our district... Why me?" I guess I should be thrilled at this. I mean, I did have a small crush on Bruce. But still, I never found myself wanting to be in a relationship with him. I never even had time for one with my long working hours. Plus, I'm in love with Sam. _Thank you for not denying it this time!_ I just hope I really don't develop any true feelings for Bruce. _You won't. Trust me on this. You just need to act like you do._ But would I really be able to kill him? _It's a television show! These people crave that kind of stuff. All they'll see is a girl turn on the boy she claims to love. They'll eat it up! It'll make for a great show for the Capitol_. I guess you're right... I let out a small sigh, and push these thoughts away for a moment as I listen to Bruce.

"Because you 're not like all those other girls," he says.

"Obviously," I say with a laugh. "There are plenty of girls who are smarter, prettier - ,"

"That's not true," he states, cutting me off. "You're humble. You're prettier than any other girl in our district. And you are, because you don't try so hard to be."

"I just would never think you would like me in this way."

"Well I do. I always have, truthfully. I guess it sucks we are where we are right now. And, I wish you would've let me into your life a little more...so I know more about you. You never shared anything with me pretty much. I'd kill to be Sam...you tell everything to her."

"I'm sorry, that's just the way I am," I reply. After he says Sam's name I smile. I can't help it, everything about Sam makes me happy. It's because I'm in love with her...duh. _Yes, so I don't know why you just kissed Bruce_. Fuck, this isn't good. I feel like my heart is being ripped in half. One side going towards Bruce, and the other half pulling me towards Sam. I can't let myself give in to any feelings for Bruce. Agh! Why is love so difficult?

"It's a shame I chose to tell you now," he says. "Especially since you may end up ditching me for Harper." He looks at me and laughs, and I just smile back.

"Oh shut up," I say chuckling.

"I'm just messing with you!" I glance over at the clock, which reads ten forty.

"We should get some sleep. Training is tomorrow - ,"

"Training? Interviews are tomorrow," Bruce says.

"What? Why?"

"I don't know, ask Anton about it."

"Whatever. We still need sleep. If the interviews are tomorrow, I don't think we should be tired and cranky for them."

"Alright. Sounds good. I'll see you tomorrow," Bruce says standing up. He hugs me and gives me another kiss before heading off to his room.

After I pull my sheets over me, I can't stop thinking about the course of the day. Bruce said he loves me, and I love him back... At least I think I do. But we have the interviews tomorrow, and two days of training then our individual evaluations. After that...

I can't bear to think about what could happen in the Arena. But the reality of it keeps running across my mind. Only four more days until the death of twenty three teenagers. It's horrible to think about, and there's a very slim chance I'll make it out of that Arena. But somewhere inside me, I feel like I have the ability to kill...well, everyone does. It's not just that though... I believe strongly that I wouldn't even hesitate to do it.

These thoughts keep surfacing every few minutes, but mostly about what happened with Bruce. I said I love him. _It's not true though._ I guess you're right. But how can you be sure? _You're already in love with Sam. Plus, she loves you too! _True...I have to admit you're spot on with this. _Thank you! Now what's this whole thing with Bruce about? _Maybe I really don't love him. Maybe I've become so absorbed in this whole Hunger Games thing and the idea of winning that it's only become part of my plan. _See, I'm right again. I told you, you just need to play him like a piece in the Games. That's what all of us are anyway..._


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

The knocking on my door the next morning startles me awake.

"Who is it?" I say still half asleep.

"Neo. Can I come in?"

"Sure."

Neo shuffles into my room, and I can tell he's tired as well. He has his sketchpad in his hand, and I assume it's for my interview dress design.

"I think you'll like the dress. Since it doesn't really need to have anything to do with your district, I chose something simple yet elegant." He places the sketchpad on my bed and flips to the page with the dress. When my eyes focus on the page, I realize that the dress isn't just elegant, it's beautiful.

The material looks silky just like our chariot outfit shirts. Except this dress is a lighter, lavender color, with a black tie wrapping around the waist. The bottom of the dress is straight, however it still has an airy look to it.

"I love it. Everything about it is amazing."

"Good," he replies. "That's what I was hoping you'd say."

As we walk to the dining room to eat breakfast, I can't help but think that this is a little odd. They always have the interviews the night before the Games. Everything is strange, and I don't necessarily appreciate it. But whatever it is, it's under President Snow's command.

Once Neo and I take a seat at the table where Bruce and Atina already are, I decide to ask them about this.

"Do any of you know why we're not having the training first this year?"

Neo is the first to reply. "Apparently they're trying something different. They did this last year too. I don't think they'll keep it up though."

"I hope not," I reply. "Doesn't the Capitol love to see all of us the night before we're killed?"

Bruce and Neo both laugh, and Atina just sits there with a stern look on her face. Right, I think. She's from the Capitol.

"Well I'm sure that's some of the hype," Neo tells me. "But I think they tried this as a matter of the tributes."

"What?" Bruce and I ask in unison.

"The Capitol could care less about us. We all die anyway," Bruce continues.

"I know, I know. I haven't heard the whole story, but all I know is that it has something to do with allying. Don't ask me, I have no idea why."

Honestly, I didn't get a single thing Neo just said. Whatever, I think. It's not like it will matter. I have my allies already.

A few moments later, Anton leisurely walks into the kitchen. He seems extremely wiped out, like he didn't get any sleep at all last night.

"Well look who decided to show up this morning," Neo says jokingly.

"Oh hush yourself," Anton replies with a smirk. "As for Bruce and Johanna, you should go change and not show up to your interviews in pajamas."

"Alright," I say standing up.

Bruce follows me to my room, where I find some clothes laid out on my bed.

"I do think it's odd," Bruce says, breaking the silence. "With having the interviews before training. But I guess it's an advantage for you."

"Why?"

He's smiling when he says, "Because you'll have three full days to talk to Harper."

"Oh my goodness. Will you please stop with that!"

"I'm just saying, if the interviews were as normal, you wouldn't see her the night before the Games."

I can still hear Bruce's laughter ring down the hall after he leaves. As I throw on the black pants and tank top that were on my bed, I wonder if Bruce is right. No, I tell myself. I already made it clear that I love Bruce. Why would he think Harper likes me? Even worse, why would he think I like her back? _Well you do like Sam._ No, I love Sam. But I also love Bruce. _You have to make your mind up about who you love the most._ It's so hard though. _But you just admitted you love Sam. You told her you loved her more than anything! _I really am head over heels in love with her. But I don't think I'd really kiss her or anything. _Yeah, sure._ Fuck you. _Hey, watch your language_! Don't tell me what to do.

Actually wait, take that back. What am I saying? I'd totally kiss Sam. _Thank you for admitting it._ Whatever. _I thought Bruce was only a part of your plan._ He is. I just need to convince myself of it. _You seem to have a hard time doing that with most things_. Thanks for reminding me.

I shake the idea from my mind, and walk back to the kitchen. Within another five minutes Bruce joins us, and we all head over to the elevator.

"The theatre is quite large," Anton tell us. "There will be a ton of people. Don't get nervous though, just be yourself."

"Will do," Bruce and I respond as the elevator doors open.

The interview theatre is another building attached to the stadium that hosted the chariot rides. The dressing areas are in the same spots, and that's where Neo leads us.

It's already three o' clock, and I guess we really took our time eating breakfast. The interviews start at seven thirty, so we have some time to spare. We're pretty early, and the only other districts I see with us are 1, 2, 8, and 11.

Neo pulls our outfits from a closet, and hands them to us.

"You don't have to try them on now, but I wouldn't wait too long if I were you," he says.

"Alright," I murmur.

I go into my dressing room and hang the dress up. It looks even more beautiful in person. When I walk back out, Neo is still there.

"Is Bruce trying his suit on?" I ask.

"Yep. I'm assuming you'll do that later."

"Yeah. I don't want to get it dirty or anything. It's really nice. Is his suit sort of matching those colors?"

"Take a look for yourself," Neo says, motioning behind me.

Bruce walks out of his stall dressed in a standard black suit. The silky button down shirt matches the color of my dress, and has black buttons as well, which actually look very nice. As Neo told me about my dress earlier this morning, Bruce's suit is also simple but still elegant.

"Well don't you look gorgeous," I say smirking.

"Thanks." He smiles back at me. "Why aren't you trying on your dress?"

"I'll do that later."

After he walks around for a few minutes, he changes back into his regular clothes. Neo informs us that he'll be back later, and leaves us to ourselves. I take a seat on the couch next to Bruce.

"Well this is boring," I say.

Bruce laughs a little. "Yeah it is. Why don't you go talk to your ally over there? You know, the one you're madly in love with."

"I'm talking to him right now. But if you feel that way, then fine."

I leave Bruce, and he goes to fetch a small snack while I walk over to where Harper is. When I tap her on the shoulder, she turns around somewhat aggressively.

"Oh, sorry," she says. "I thought you were Ryder."

"Who's that?"

"My district partner. I'm not quite happy with him. Anyway, it's nice to see you."

"Yeah I was pretty bored over there," I reply.

"Alright. I don't know why, but I'm kind of nervous about the interviews tonight. Besides, it is a little strange they're having them before training this year."

"I had the same reaction," I say. "My stylist said they did this last year too. But don't worry, I'm sure you'll do fine."

"Thanks," she replies smiling. "And a question for you."

"Okay."

"Are you and your district partner together?"

"Of course not. We're good friends, that's all. He does like me, but I won't let it happen," I answer with a small laugh.

She smiles back at me, and almost breathes a sigh of relief. Maybe Bruce was right about her... But still, being in love with someone or even having the smallest crush on them when you're going into the Arena with them is pointless.

I glance back to my dressing area and see Neo there.

"I should get going. The interviews are in thirty minutes, and I still haven't seen what my dress looks like on me."

"Okay. See you tomorrow."

When I arrive back, I immediately put on my outfit. It fits perfectly, and falls just below my knees. I walk outside and apparently Neo is still waiting there.

"You look beautiful," he says. "I need to give you your shoes." He hands me what seem like black flip flops, but are actually heels. They're small though, only about an inch, and are extremely comfortable.

"Thanks. I love everything about it," I say to him.

Bruce comes back about five minutes later and throws on his suit again. Just in time too, as the other tributes begin lining up in the hall.

Bruce and I stroll over, and an Avox directs us to our place in the line. It's not too long before all the tributes are assembled.

I can tell the interviews are about to start because I hear the introductory music blast into the theatre. The crowd cheers when Caesar Flickerman struts onto the stage. He's been hosting the interviews for a while now, and I'm pretty sure the whole country loves him. Honestly, I do kind of like Caesar. Even though he's from the Capitol and is completely engulfed in the hype of the Games, I like his spontaneous character, his cheesy jokes, and his reactions to some of the tributes' answers. He makes the interviews more interesting to watch, I'll put it that way.

I pay close attention to the Careers, and they easily amuse the Capitol citizens with cheesy jokes that I don't even smile at. Well, I don't smile, let alone laugh at many things in the first place so I really have no room to talk there.

The Careers from District 4 seem pretty tough. They talked mostly about their weapon skills and how badly they want to win. Before I know it, my name is called. My heart beats a little faster, and I take a few deep breaths to calm myself. _Just be yourself_, I think, walking out onto the stage.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

I'm surrounded by the cheering crowd, and Caesar greets me. He introduces me, and we both take a seat on the white leather lounge chairs. Once the crowd settles down, Caesar formally begins the interview.

"So, Johanna," he starts. "How have you been liking your stay in the Capitol so far?"

"It's nice, and I have to say, the food is amazing here."

He laughs, as does the audience. This will be easier than I thought.

"What exactly about it?"

"Well, just everything. There's an endless supply of it. Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night and have someone make me a sandwich," I reply.

"It sounds like you're having some fun here," Caesar says with his usual grin.

"It's been interesting."

"Let me ask you one more question."

"Sure," I mumble back.

"Well, it's actually two questions. I just changed my mind." The audience laughs at this, and I just give a sweet smile back to him. He continues on. "How prepared do you feel for the Games?"

Without thinking about my answer I reply, "Obviously everyone in the Arena has an equal opportunity to win. I'm not sure how I'll fair compared to them. There are plenty of tributes stronger than me. But you never know, interesting things have happened in previous Games."

I could tell my statement surprised Caesar, as well as the audience. They're always used to hearing tributes boast about skills they have. That however, is one thing I will never do, and never actually have. The other tributes watching probably don't appreciate what I said either. Yeah, like I'd reveal to them what kind of weapon I use.

I snap out of my thoughts when Caesar begins his final question. "Now before we finish, how did you feel when you were picked in the reaping along with your district partner? I'm assuming you're close with him."

Caesar's question caught me off guard. I decide to keep my words limited. I would never tell the Capitol about my feelings for Bruce. They'd rip me to shreds with anything I say. But, if I did play the whole romance thing out, it could get me some sponsors. Capitol people love drama. Maybe Bruce will say something in his interview that could suggest we're in love. Well he is...not me.

"We've known each other for a long time," I begin. "Our families are close as well. So of course I felt devastated. Whenever you're put into a situation, especially like this, with a close friend...it's always a tough reality to face. I wish it never happened in the first place."

The audience releases a sympathetic sigh, which I somewhat expected. Caesar reaches out to hold my hand. "And I wish you the best of luck," he says.

_I'll need it_, I think to myself.

He stands up, and I do the same. "Johanna Mason!" he exclaims.

The crowd whistles and hoots as I walk off the stage. Anton meets up with me and leads me over to Neo and Atina.

"You did great!" I hear Anton say behind me.

"Thanks."

Neo breaks into the conversation. "You were sweeter than normal. I liked it."

I smile at his comment, then turn my attention to the TV on the wall. Bruce saunters onto the stage, and shakes Caesar's hand. The audience cheers, and I think just about every teenage girl in the Capitol fainted. I stand next to Neo, who seems extremely glad that Bruce looks as handsome as he does.

I tune my hearing in to only the TV, just as Caesar and Bruce take their seats.

"It's very nice to meet you," I hear Caesar say.

"It's a pleasure as well," Bruce replies with a smile. The lights in the theatre seem to reflect off of Bruce's light blue eyes, giving him an intense yet soft look.

"I'm going to jump right into the more...intense questions, if you can call them that," Caesar continues.

"Sure, I'm ready."

"Tell me Bruce, what was it like for you to leave your family back in District 7?"

"It was definitely emotional," I hear Bruce reply. "When I said my last goodbyes, I sometimes thought that they weren't going to be the last. Then the reality set in on me."

"So you're saying - ," Caesar starts, but Bruce quickly interrupts.

"No not that. Obviously I'm going to fight my hardest to get back to my family. But I see myself as, let's just say, a protector."

"Is there a certain person you aim to protect?" Caesar asks with curiosity.

There's a distinctive change in the mood of the audience. I honestly don't know how Bruce is going to respond.

"Johanna," he replies to Caesar. "I know she can win, but you never know. Anything can happen. I just want to make sure she lives, even if it means giving up my own life."

Once again, the audience lets out a sigh, and Caesar appears truly touched. "You would do that much?" he presses on.

"I'd do anything for her," Bruce says back. Thank goodness he said that. Now the Capitol knows he'll protect me and that he loves me. They love this stuff. I've seen it before. Tributes from the same district in love get some sponsors when they need it. Capitol people want them to stay alive as long as they can and then love to watch them kill each other in the end. It is pretty entertaining if I say so myself.

"And I'll assume she would do the same."

"I hope so," Bruce exclaims with a slight laugh.

"Well it looks like we're running out of time. Bruce Lenner everyone!" Caesar holds Bruce's hand above their heads as if he was just crowned the Victor of the Games. The audience cheers as he walks away. Once he joins our little group, he hugs me.

"I'm sorry, did I say too much?" he asks.

"What? No, of course not," I reply calmly. "But you contradicted what I said by stating that I could win the Games."

"We can head back to our floor and watch the rest of the interviews," I hear Neo say.

Without waiting for us to answer, he motions for us to follow him to the elevator. Once we reach our floor, I veer off to my room, while everyone else goes to the couch. I change into some pajamas. As much as I loved the dress, it would be too uncomfortable for me to sit in it through the remaining interviews.

I return to the living room and everyone watches the TV intently as the girl from District 9 strolls onto the stage. She's a little taller than me, and has a tough appearance. Just by watching her, I know she's going to be a threat. I take a seat on the couch next to Bruce just as Caesar greets her.

"Let's jump right in here," I hear Caesar say. "What's your ideal choice of weapon? If you don't mind sharing."

"Of course not. I've really practiced archery back home. We always had some free time during work, and it's interested me."

"Ah, lovely. Was it hard work back at home?" Caesar continues.

"No, not really. We had long hours, but we just harvested grain. It wasn't the most exciting," she replies, and the audience laughs.

I don't listen to the rest of the interview. I already know she'll be my biggest competition. Probably even more than the Careers. Anyone who knows how to fire an arrow is dangerous.

The interviews continue on, and no other tribute of interest shows up. It isn't too late, but I feel myself falling asleep already from the events of the day. I need to rest, and training starts tomorrow. I know what I want to do in the center: Make sure I receive a lower training score. Hopefully it will discourage the other tributes by putting the thought in their heads that someone else will kill me. Besides, Harper and Bruce will be with me. Honestly, together I think we have a stronger alliance than the rest of the Careers.

Walking into my room, I plop on my bed out of pure exhaustion. Training, I think. It's just one more step closer to the Arena.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

When I wake up the next morning, I notice that training clothes are set on the edge of my bed. We train for the entire day basically, and apparently we need to impress the Gamemakers. I don't know why. I mean, they barely even watch us.

Still half asleep, I throw on the clothes. As I unfold the training shirt, which seems to be made of some stretchy-poly material, I notice something fall to the ground. I lean down and snatch it off the floor. It's the necklace Sam gave me before I left. Memories of her flood my mind. _Stop Johanna_, I tell myself. _You'll get back to her. You have to._ I know I have to, I love her! _She probably doesn't even like girls. _Stop ruining my dreams. Plus, she admitted she loved me. We already established that so stop saying things that aren't true. _Aww, you dream about her. How cute. _Shut up!

I clip the necklace around my neck after I throw on my shirt, which has our district number on the sleeves and back. Once I walk into the kitchen, I find that everyone else is already dressed and eaten.

"Grab something quick to eat," Anton tells me. "We need to head over to the training center."

I eat a couple slices of bread, which really isn't enough to sustain me for a whole day of training. The walk doesn't take too long, since everything is centrally located around the tribute parade stadium. Atina and Neo leave us with Anton, who leads us to the doors of the training center.

"Just show them what you're good at," he says. "Johanna, you already have a plan, but at least throw an ax at something."

I chuckle a little. "Sure thing."

Bruce and I enter the training center, and within another five minutes every district is assembled. We all stand around the head trainer, and listen closely to what she has to say.

"Now," she begins. "There's everything you need here. Weapons, snares, camouflage, obstacle courses, and so much more. This is the time to prove yourself, and maybe pick up some allies. Remember, no fighting with the other tributes. You'll have enough of that in the Arena. Get going!"

I notice the girl from 9 head directly to the bow and arrows. Some tributes don't know what to do. I, on the other hand, make my way over to the obstacle course. It looks challenging, and only five other tributes wait for their turn. I hop in line behind the boy from 12, who's a little shorter than me. The other tributes attempting the course don't get very far, as they have to jump from platform to platform while trainers swing padded clubs at them. Most of the tributes fall off the course by the third platform. There are six of them.

At least if there are not many tributes here, I know they won't see any of my skills. Well, agility and speed is just a natural skill for anyone. So I wouldn't see how it could be a threat to someone.

Before I know it, it's my turn. I wait a few moments so the trainers can get themselves situated. Once I know they're ready, I begin.

Casually, I step onto the first platform, then launch myself to the second which is about six feet away. Once I land, a trainer swings a club, which I easily ward off to the side. He brings it around with a backhand swing, and even though I wasn't expecting it, I manage to jump over it in time.

The third platform is about eight feet away. I get a quick running start and propel myself forward. Coming up a little short, I boost myself up just as the trainer brandishes his club. I get my hand on it before he brings it down, and twist it along with his hand. He gives up, and I continue on to the fourth platform.

It was smooth sailing from there. I easily dodged the trainers and made it to the top platform in just over thirty seconds.

Once I drop down from the top, I find Harper and Bruce waiting for me.

"Not bad," Harper says grinning.

"That's all?" I reply. "I don't think you could do that in thirty two seconds."

"No I couldn't. But you might be a threat to a certain someone." She nods towards the girl from 9, who was obviously watching me throughout the entire course. Still, I can't imagine how she thinks I'm someone to worry about just by watching me jump basically up giant steps. Once she sees me staring back at her, she quickly turns around and fires an arrow straight into the bulls eye of a dummy.

"Good. I want her to feel threatened by me. But I don't want all these other tributes to know I'm someone to worry about. Have you done anything yet?" I turn my attention back to Harper.

"Yep. I've done the knife throw. Not my best, only three out of five. But check this out."

She jogs over to a spear, lifts it off its holders, and launches it into the bulls eye of a dummy's chest without a large prep step. She then proceeds to throw another spear directly through a dummy's head, again through the bulls eye.

"Nice," I say walking over to her, giving her a quick high five. Our eyes meet for a second, and maybe Bruce was right when he said Harper liked me. But does he think I feel the same way about her? No, that's not possible. I wouldn't let myself fall for Harper, especially with the feelings I have for Bruce. _No, with the feelings you have for Sam. Stop telling yourself you love Bruce. _Sorry. Sometimes it's hard to remember he's only a part of my plan.

"Thanks. Let's see what you can do with an ax." She nudges me toward the weapon wall.

"Eh, not right now," I say. "Have you seen Bruce try anything?"

"Yeah. He was doing some strength exercises and wrestling with another tribute. I think he was from five."

"Alright," I respond. I wasn't sure where Bruce has wandered off to, but it doesn't take me long to find him. He's engrossed in a smaller weapon wall.

"Tough choice," I say walking next to him.

"Yeah. I may try this," he responds, turning around to show me a bow and arrow.

"Alright, see if you like it. If not, just try another weapon."

He walks next to the girl from 9, and lines up to a target. I watch the girl intently, and in the twenty arrows she's shot so far, only four have missed the bulls eye. It would still kill you, I think. But she's not perfect. I turn my attention to Bruce, who draws the arrow and narrows his eyes at the dummy. He releases his grip on the arrow, sending it flying right into the bulls eye.

"Amazing," I say. "Let's see if you can hit some more."

He fires five more arrows straight into the bulls eye of the same dummy. The girl from 9 looks intimidated, and sends and arrow careening into the head of a dummy. Obviously, into the bulls eye.

Bruce decides to do an obstacle course involving his weapon. He swiftly makes his way through, dodging random objects and firing arrows into the bulls eyes of all the targets. At the last break in the course, he hops over some sort of swinging pole, slides under a beam, and hits the last target. It was incredible, and apparently got the girl from 9 to shut up about what a great archer she was. Truthfully, I like the fact that Bruce found a skill that could work to his advantage in the Arena. However, it makes us look like a lethal pair, especially since I'm sure every tribute here knows Harper allied with us.

"What do you know," I say. "Just hand you a bow and some arrows and you're dangerous."

"I was that good?"

"Yeah! You really ticked off that girl."

"Awesome," he replies, and lets out a slight laugh.

I turn around and hear her district partner talking to her.

"Lake," he says, "He's not better than you."

"Together they are," she replies with hostility, motioning to Bruce, Harper, and finally me.

I'm not sure if it's okay to be making enemies already, but just to piss her off even more, I make my way to the weapon wall. There's an array of axes, with different blades, handles, sizes, and styles. I choose a shorter throwing ax, with a metal blade about nine inches long.

I feel the presence of probably four or five other tributes, waiting to see if I'm skilled or not. I know I shouldn't be doing this. They'll know I can throw axes and will probably want to kill me. Whatever, it doesn't matter either way. I'll have to kill someone eventually just as much as they will. As I line up to a dummy, I hear a voice behind me.

"Seems like an odd choice of weapon."

I turn around to see Lake moving closer to me. "For who?" I reply. "Someone from District Seven?" I can tell she didn't appreciate my sarcasm, but I could've cared less. Some of the other tributes snicker at my comment. Well at least they found it funny. Great, now they know I'm a smartass too.

Returning my sight back to the dummy, I take a deep breath and position my feet and shoulders so they're square to my target. I start my throw from my knees, bringing the ax back, and with a quick step I propel the ax into the bulls eye on the head of the dummy.

A trainer waits behind me, and presents another throwing ax, which is a little lighter. I do the same routine, and the ax ends up straight in the dummy's heart. Once I turn around, all the tributes who were watching look extremely impressed. Except Lake. Of course.

"I'd stick to your bow and arrow," I say walking past her.

Bruce and Harper meet me by the spears.

"Impressive," Harper tells me. "You're really getting on her nerves."

"That's what I hoped for. But I don't like all these other tributes watching me."

Before we can continue, the head trainer rounds us up. "Okay. That's it for today. I know the time went by fast, but you'll have all of tomorrow and then your individuals."

We walk out of the training center in silence, and Bruce and I head back to our living quarters. It's getting late, and I just realize how tired I really am.

"That was pretty fun," Bruce says.

"Exhilarating," I reply with a sarcastic tone which he laughs at.

"Goodnight Johanna."

"Night Bruce."

He gives me a hug and a kiss before heading off to his room. Once he leaves, I basically fall onto my bed. I can't stop thinking about this whole experience, especially at the training center. It wasn't about Lake, or anything the other tributes may think. It was reality. In two days, those dummies will be people. Children. And I'll be responsible for the death of one of them.

Could I really turn into a killer? I've made threats to people before, but never have I really thought about following through with them. In fact, I've never thought about actually killing someone before, no matter how much I hated them. Sure, I'm tough, brash, rude at times, and sarcastic...but a potential murderer? I don't think so. I've never even given a thought to that though. The fact that I have the capability of taking someone's life, it almost scares me. But won't I be forced to do that if I want to get back home to Sam and my family?

Maybe...if I do end up killing someone...I just won't think about it at first. I mean, I'm in a life or death situation here. Kill or be killed. The hunters are now the hunted. There's no way to escape death now. I know though, that if I do kill another tribute, the guilt will haunt me forever. No matter how much I'd deny it, I'd be a murderer.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

My muscles ache, and I barely manage to stand up from my bed. A new pair of training clothes has been laid out for me, and I slowly put them on. I make my way to the kitchen, and sit next to Bruce.

"Don't you look thrilled," he says jokingly.

I give a slight laugh. "I'm really tired."

"Are you going to do anything at training today?"

"Probably not. I think I've made it clear that I'm not someone to mess with. Especially to Lake. So basically, I might do some more agility stuff. You know, running, climbing, simple things that usually aren't to be afraid of."

"True. Make yourself look as weak as possible if you want, but I'm showing them I can kill," he replies.

Wow, Bruce seems a little more eager to get into the Arena now that he knows he can fire an arrow. He might be more apt to kill someone than I am. But it does suck for him, since I'll probably be the one to end up killing him...

Anton joins us a few minutes later, and within another ten we're at the training center.

The District 10 tributes brush by us, and soon Lake walks past me and shoots me a look filled with loathing. I just smile back sweetly, which only angers her more.

"Nice to know you have an enemy," Anton says, motioning for us to enter the training center.

"She can't rely solely on her bow and arrows," I reply.

"True. You'll kill her easily," he says back, laughing as he walks away.

It's the same routine, except all the head trainer does is remind us not to fight with the other tributes. I think it was good she said that, because Lake looked ready to pounce on me at any second. Once we're left on our own, I seek out Harper.

"What do you plan on doing today?" I ask her.

"Some more spear throwing and probably agility stuff. And yourself?"

"Nothing really."

"Well at least do some agility," she suggests.

"Yeah, I plan on it."

I make my way over to a strip of track, where other tributes wait. It's fairly short, only 100 meters, and tributes race one another for the fastest time. I jump in line next to Lake. Of course. As we line up, tributes that had previously completed the dash stay to watch us. They know she hates me. I don't care though. It's not that I hate her back, I just know I'll end up killing her.

The trainer waits until we're fully ready, then yells, "Go!"

I take off, leaving Lake in the dust. She tries to catch up, but to no avail, as I zip across the finish line a full three seconds before her.

I actually ended up receiving the lowest time out of any tribute that raced. I think I completely embarrassed Lake. Even her district partner gave her a hard time about it.

"Can your arrow go faster than her?" I hear him say in a joking manner.

"Shut up!" she yells back, clearly upset about the results.

I meet up with Bruce by the weapon wall.

"I saw you burn that girl from 9," he says.

"Thanks. And her name's Lake. She's not too thrilled with me." I watch him choose a lighter bow off the wall, and then grab some arrows.

"I never knew archery was my thing," he states, grinning widely.

"Neither did I." Arrows can't help you in your case Bruce. You wouldn't be able to hurt me even if you had to. Wow, I can't believe I'm thinking like this. _But you need to if you want to get back to Sam. _True, she's more important.

I find a mid-sized battle ax on the wall. It has a metal blade, about a foot long, and a spike on the back of it. That's really cool, I think to myself. Aside from being able to fight with the blade, I could backlash someone with the spike. That would hurt. I notice Harper and Bruce chatting while taking a break as I walk over to a circle of dummies. This section is meant for close range battle. I saw someone wielding a sword over here yesterday.

Standing in the center, I signal to the trainer that it's okay to hit the start button. Once he does, the first dummy lights up. I swing the ax, easily chopping the head off. Then I swiftly spin around lodging the blade into another dummy's chest. The last dummy lights up, and I drive the spike into its chest without fully turning around. Sweat drips off my face as I toss the ax onto the ground. _Man, fighting dummies takes more out of me than I thought_. Yeah, it sure does. _Whoa...you actually agreed with me for once._ I never said that. I just know I'm out of shape. _Oh please. Says the girl who's stronger than half the guys in District 7. _I take a seat on a small step, and Harper and Bruce come over to me.

"Nice job," Harper begins. "Now I know you're good at melee combat as well."

"Thanks," I answer. 'Well, that's enough for me today."

I leave Harper and Bruce to get some water. I find myself extremely thirsty, and realize I hadn't drank anything today until now. When I turn around, I basically slam straight into Lake. At first, I don't notice who it is, until she pushes me into a wall.

"You think you're so amazing," she hisses.

"Actually, I never thought that. It was training, there was an ax, so I did what I'm good at...I guess," I retort. I try to step around her, but she places herself in front of me again.

"You better watch yourself. I'll be targeting you," she says, staring at me with such enmity it almost makes me sick.

My eyes meet hers, also a hazel brown like mine. "Interesting to know. Fight me if you wish. I wouldn't get your hopes too high though. Someone else might end up killing you. And you never know, I might be killed before you get to me." She doesn't know how to respond to that, so I continue on. "Never thought someone could be a smartass back to you huh? Well, you thought wrong. I'm not the nicest person out there you know. Now if you'll excuse me I'd like to get back to my allies."

She lets me walk by her without hesitation, and unable to utter a sound. All she manages to do is brush her medium length brown hair out of her face. Smart choice, I think. I return to the weapon wall, where Bruce places his bow back onto its holders.

"You know it's going to be tough to obtain one of those during the Games," I mention.

"Yeah. But hopefully I can manage to. You might not get an ax."

"True. We have to acquire some sort of weapon though. If not, then we'll make one."

Before Bruce gets a chance to say another word, the head trainer calls us in to signal the end of training. "Your individual assessments are tomorrow. Be sure to impress the Gamemakers. A higher score can mean more sponsors!"

On our way out, Harper comes over to me. "Good luck tomorrow," she says.

"Thanks. I know what I want to do."

Bruce holds my hand as we walk back to our floor. On the elevator, he speaks to me. "I'm so nervous for tomorrow."

"Why? You'll do fine."

"I hope so. Just make sure you don't get too low of a score."

"Yeah I know," I reply. "I'll shoot for a seven or six."

"Good. See you in the morning." He hugs me, and once I climb into bed, it seems as if reality slaps me in the face. Only one more day until the Arena, I think. Only one more day before the slaughter of twenty three innocent teenagers begins. Am I excited? _Fuck no_, I say to myself. But am I prepared to kill? I think I am.

I can't believe I actually thought about the fact that I'm going to end up killing Bruce. How could I do that to him? How could I do that to his family? I mean, acting like I love him back and that I'll protect him is really easy. But when it comes down to it, will I really be able to lift my ax and take his life with it? I probably could...

Dammit Johanna, stop thinking like that. But wait, those are two completely different things. Being prepared is not the same as excited. Why would anyone be excited to kill another person? Well, the Careers are. But I'm not a Career. Still, these Games turn innocent children into murderers, and I'll become one of them.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Movement in my room the next morning startles me awake. I open my eyes and see Bruce walking around.

"What are you doing?" I demand, somewhat annoyed.

"I was checking to see if you were still asleep."

"Obviously I was! Never mind. What do you want?" I'm not mad at Bruce. I just thought I might be able to sleep in a little. Our individuals aren't until early afternoon.

"I guess I just want to talk to you," he responds.

"I'm not the best person to talk about feelings to. You know that. But since it's you, I'll try to help you out."

"Alright." He pauses a few seconds before continuing. "We're both not going to make it out together. I mean, one of us is going to die."

"Lovely thoughts," I say with a laugh. _Yeah, especially since Bruce is the one that's going to die._ Fuck, can you stop reminding me about that? _You know it's true._

"Don't act like you don't have those feelings too. I know you Johanna. You've always been someone who sees the downside of everything." He moves from the chair he was sitting in and faces me on the bed.

"I know. I just can't bear any thought of losing you." _Yeah right. You're such a good liar._ I know. It's not always a good thing. In this case it is. _Because of it, you can make it back to Sam_. Sam...what if I'm lying to Bruce and preparing to murder innocent teenagers for nothing? What if she doesn't love me back? _Dude, you're such an idiot. She told you she loved you._

I sit up, brushing the subject from my mind, and stare into his eyes. That usual glint of happiness that always gives him a soft expression has vanished, and is replaced by a tired and dreary countenance. Why did we both have to be reaped? Why do I have to be forced into killing one of my best friends?

"I want to make sure you live," he says soothingly. "I wouldn't be able to win anyway. You're stronger than me."

"Let's not talk about this," I reply, resting my head on his shoulder.

"Fine. What do you want to do until our assessments?"

"I don't know. You woke me up, so I guess nothing."

I watch him stand up and walk over to my dresser. He picks up the necklace Sam gave me.

"You plan on wearing this in the Arena?"

"Yep. I won't lose it either. Sam gave it to me before we left on the train. I promised her I'd wear it."

"It's nice," he says. "You know Sam talked about you a lot." He smiles after saying this.

"I'm sure she did. We're really close friends. And why are you smiling like that?"

He doesn't respond for a few minutes, and soon his smile turns into laughter. He really isn't going to tell me.

I playfully shove him. "Come on, just tell me!"

"Nah, it would get you too distracted."

"Fine," I say annoyed.

"Okay...I'll tell you," he says. He waits a few second before continuing. "Sam has the biggest crush on you."

"Seriously?" I ask, trying my best to hide the smile about to surface. It's no use, and soon I'm smiling like an idiot.

"Yeah! She always talked about you when she was at school. She really loves you."

"Wow. I wouldn't expect she'd like me in that way," I reply. Truthfully, I heard Sam tell me she loves me. I always kept her words at the back of my mind. Whenever I felt upset about the possibility of my death, I always thought about what she said. 'Do you know what it was like hearing the girl I love say she thinks about suicide?' Those words feel like they were stamped into my brain. Just replaying them in my mind gives me butterflies.

"Well she does. And it's good for her because she actually has a chance with you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask him.

"Well...you do like girls," he responds laughing a bit. "So when you go home, she's all yours. Honestly, Sam is a beautiful girl. You two would be perfect together." He winks playfully after saying this, and I only laugh in return.

"Bruce, you should know you're the one I love. I've had a crush on you for a while now." Agh, everytime I say that lie to him, I feel a pain in my heart. I hate lying to him. He's my friend. It just feels so selfish to me...that I'm capable of doing this...of manipulating him in this way.

I smile a little as I think about the possibility of returning to my district. As much as I love Bruce, I miss Sam. I wish I had said something more to her before I left, but I promised her I'd win. And promises are everything to me. The knocking on my door distracts Bruce and me from our thoughts. Anton walks in without waiting for either one of us to open the door for him.

"Get ready," he says. "You have about thirty minutes until we need to be at the training center."

"I thought we had more time," I reply.

"The individuals are going pretty quickly. You can wear a previous set of training clothes."

He ushers Bruce out of my room, and I change into my training outfit. I think I'd die of boredom if I were from District 11 or 12. They have to wait a whole day for their assessments.

Once I'm dressed, I head to the living room. I don't bother to eat, and within five minutes Anton joins me.

"You're really going to try this?" he asks me.

"Yeah. I'm sure about it. It may cause other tributes to either try and track me down, or leave someone else to kill me," I respond. "Just so they underestimate me a little, that's all."

He gives a curt nod of approval, and we sit in silence for another ten minutes. I grow tense and impatient, so I speak up.

"Wasn't Blight the last Victor before you?"

"Yeah. He's older than me. District 7 hasn't had many Victors."

"We've had a bunch make it to the last few though. They just didn't want to win badly enough," I say, staring out the window at the Capitol skyline. I become lost in my thoughts, and block out any word Anton says. I think about those tributes from my district. They were so close to winning, as they only had two or three other tributes standing in their way from being crowned Victor. I guess they thought they couldn't beat the Careers. It seemed as if fighting to save their life was too hard. Just lying down and dying was the easy way out, which was the path they chose.

Anton taps me on the shoulder, and I snap back to reality. "We need to go," he tells me. "Your assessments are in fifteen minutes."

We make our usual route to the training center, and Peacekeepers hold us outside until the boy from six is called in. The cool air hits me as we walk into the holding room. Bruce and I sit in silence, probably for five minutes or so. Then, a computerized voice calls through the speaker, "Johanna Mason."

Standing up, I glance back at Bruce.

"You'll do fine. Just remember what your plan is."

"I don't plan on doing fine," I tell him, rolling my eyes.

The doors slide open, and once I fully enter the training area, they close behind me. I hear the Gamemakers noisily chatting in their little booth on the next floor. They aren't even paying attention to me. Whatever, I think.

I spot an ax on some hooks and make my way over to it. Picking it up, I glance back to the Gamemakers, who probably aren't even aware that I'm here. Casually, I throw the ax into the bulls eye, not on the head or the heart, but the arm. I clear my throat, and face the Gamemakers. Once they acknowledge my prescence, I take another ax, and again launch it into the target on the dummy's leg. The Gamemakers smirk and shake their heads, then continue their conversations with each other.

I'm about to walk out of the training center when an idea pops into my head. I hate President Snow. I hate the Games. I hate how twenty three teenagers die every year just so the Capitol can have something entertaining to watch. I hate how the Gamemakers control the Arena and can basically kill us themselves if they wanted to. And again, I hate President Snow.

I head over to the camouflage section, and grab some black and red paint. Then, I walk back over to the dummy and start splattering the red paint all over the chest area. Since the black paint won't show up very clearly on the body of the dummy, I write the words on the gray square that holds the dummy up.

Once I'm finished, I take another ax off the weapon wall and turn so I'm facing the dummy. With a quick release of the ax, it's soon lodged its chest. I turn back to the Gamemakers, and clear my throat one more time to get their attention before I speak up.

"Thank you for your interest in my skills," I say obnoxiously and loud enough so they can hear it. They don't seem to appreciate my tone. But even more so, they seem to hate what I did. Mocking the Capitol or showing signs of a rebellious attitude can be punishable by death, which works perfectly in my case since I'm going into the Arena tomorrow.

I give myself just enough time to take in their shocked, confused, and angry expressions before walking away. They've probably never had a tribute throw an ax into the bulls eye of a dummy's heart, splatter it with red paint as blood, and then label it: _President Snow_.

I pass Bruce as I walk out of the training center. "Good luck," I say as he walks into the training room.

That night at dinner, we eagerly await our training scores. I already know I received a low score, but I want to find out how Bruce did. Atina excitedly calls us to the living room, and I sit next to Bruce on the couch. We watch as Caesar Flickerman appears on the TV screen. He gives the opening remarks about how important training scores are and the like. Finally, he begins.

The Careers from District 1 both scored a nine. Ryder, Harper's district partner, received a ten while she also scored a nine. They boy from four, Blade, tallied a ten, and his partner scored an eight. The tributes from District 5 and 6 got lower scores, no higher than an eight. Now, it's our turn.

"From District 7, Bruce Lenner, with a score of nine," Caesar announces.

"Wow, awesome job," I tell him.

"And now Johanna Mason," Caesar continues. I glance over at Anton, who gives me a wink. He's the only one who knows what I wanted to do. Well, I did tell Bruce, but I'm not too sure if he believed me. Caesar's voice draws me back to reality. "With a score of six," he finishes.

"Yes!" I proclaim, practically jumping out of my seat. Anton gives me a high five, this is exactly what I wanted.

"Think Lake is confused now?" Anton asks.

"Oh, I'm not sure," I reply, rolling my eyes.

Anton pulls me aside for a moment. "Johanna I know you put Snow's name on a dummy," he says to me in a serious tone, taking my excitement away a little bit.

"How'd you find out?"

"Peacekeepers. They inform us about things like that. They think since I'm your mentor I'll control you. But I could care less. Personally I thought it was an awesome thing you did."

"I just hope Snow doesn't hurt me or my family because of it," I say.

"He won't. Johanna, he can't hurt you anymore. Going into the Games is enough."

"I hope you're right about that," I get out weakly. Now that I think about it, I kind of wish I didn't do what I did in my evaluation. I don't want any harm coming to people I love. I know Snow would do something like that too.

We both settle down next to each other on the couch as Caesar continues announcing the scores. District 8 looks weak, and Lake received a nine. Not really a surprise to me as I've seen what she can do with a bow and some arrows. The rest of the scores roll on, and no one of interest shows up.

Once I shower and change into some pajamas, I head back to the kitchen to grab a snack. I snatch an apple, and take a few bites as I walk back to my room. After I climb into bed, sleep seems unable to infiltrate my body. A million thoughts swarm my mind at once. I remember at training, how easily I threw an ax into the dummy's head. How I'll already have an enemy in the Arena. How the other tributes overlooked me. How only one of us comes out, and how desperately I'll try to make sure it's me. Tomorrow, I think.

I recall how easily I launched an ax into the dummy...through the skull, the heart. That's what they'd be on a person. But if I did that without even thinking to something that's not really alive, could I do it to a living person? Yes, I tell myself. It can't be that hard. Whoa, whoa, whoa...I've never thought like this before. I mean sure, I've held grudges against people and made threats to them. But, I'd never actually carry through with them. It was just so they'd leave me alone. But this is different... Visions of myself slicing someone's neck, lodging an ax in their chest, and killing them any way possible flood my brain. I am ready...and I'd never thought I'd ever say this in my life...but I think now I'm eager to kill.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

The morning of the Games has finally arrived. It seems like it wasn't until now my brain decided to let reality truly sink in. 24 tributes, one remaining. There is no second place in these Games. I throw on the Arena attire that has been set out on my chair. It consists of a black t-shirt, with a tank top under it, and a pair of shorts. Shorts? This arena should be interesting. The shoes look like they were made for running and climbing, as there are different cuts and ridges in their soles.

Once I'm fully dressed, I open the drawer that contains my necklace. I panic when it's not there, but quickly remember I had given it to Neo. I walk out of my room, and embrace Bruce. We were put on separate hovercrafts for some ridiculous reason. I know I'll catch up with him in the Arena, but I don't want to let him go. Mostly because if we're separated in the Arena, then I'll have to track him down to kill him. I hope we're on platforms close to each other. It'll just make my job even easier.

Anton rides the elevator up to the landing platform with me.

"It depends on where your platform is, but I'd prefer it if you don't go to the Cornucopia. Head to the forest, you've basically spent your whole life there."

I give a weak smile as the doors open. As I start walking to the hovercraft, Anton stops me.

"You got this Johanna," he says. He pats my back and I board the hovercraft.

Once I take a seat, a Peacekeeper comes over and asks for my arm. She sticks a metal rod into my forearm, and I watch as a light moves under my skin. I'm not sure if it hurt or not, but it certainly felt weird. I look to my left, and Harper is in the seat next to me.

"What is this?" I ask her.

"Your tracker. So they know where you are in the Arena."

"I don't want anyone knowing where I am in there," I reply. She laughs in return, and the lights dim as we take off.

The trip is about twenty minutes long, and I can only imagine what kind of arena this is. There's a light thud beneath me, and I know we've landed. A dropdown door opens, and a few Peacekeepers herd us out. We all go our separate ways, where we'll meet with our stylist to receive any extra clothing. Once the Peacekeepers drop me off at my holding cell, Neo gives me a quick hug.

"I wore it like it was mine," he says, unhooking my necklace.

I smile a little. "Thanks." After he clicks the necklace around me, he hands me a very thin sweatshirt.

"This is it?"

"Yeah. Don't plan on it getting too cold," he replies laughing.

"30 seconds," the timer sounds.

My hands are shaking uncontrollably as I stare at the glass tube. This is really happening. In 30 seconds I'll be rising to my death.

"You're going to be fine," Neo says, embracing me one final time.

"20 seconds."

I make my way towards the tube, and cautiously step in. It slides to a close, and now I'm fully encased in it. I stare at Neo, and he gives me a thumbs up. Suddenly, I feel myself rising upwards. My breathing quickens, and I try my best to calm myself. Why am I so nervous? I never get nervous. It's just a game. _Yeah, a game with your life_! Will you fucking stop already! I could die soon, I need some motivation for once in my life. _How am I supposed to do that? _I don't know, give me something worth fighting for. _Fight to get back to Sam. _Thanks, that helps. _Are you being sarcastic? _For once, no. I'm completely serious.

A burst of light fills my eyes, and I have to balance myself. I take in my surroundings of where everything is. The countdown hasn't started yet, as there are still tributes rising up. I notice that my platform is almost on the side of the Cornucopia, and the woods are on the opposite side. Bruce is on that other side, and we manage to catch each other's eyes. I nod behind him, to signal that the forest is where he needs to head. He looks behind into the woods, then gives a curt nod to show he understands.

I see Harper directly to my left, and she's within speaking distance. There's no one to my right, as that would mean placing someone behind the Cornucopia.

"Straight through and out?" I hear Harper inquire. She motions with her hands as well.

"Yes," I reply abruptly. "Bruce will meet us at the edge of the woods." She nods back.

I look up, and see the countdown projected onto the Cornucopia. 40 seconds left. Quickly, I scan the mouth of the Cornucopia. I spot the axes, but they're way too far back. I wouldn't make it in time if I went for them.

30 seconds.

There's a backpack and some sort of machete lying next to it a little further out of the mouth. Perfect. Right where I'm going.

15 seconds.

I load my legs with energy, and I can feel my heart beating faster and faster with each second diminishing. It feels like an eternity...just waiting for the countdown to strike zero. There's nowhere to go from here. It's either kill or be killed, fight or flight, and either giving up, or giving your all until the end.

As much as I'm thinking I'll die in this Arena, I tell myself that I'll make it out. I'll be the one who survives. I won't win...I'll survive. That's all these Games are...surviving. I just need to make sure I survive long enough that I'm the only one left. Shouldn't be that hard right?

I know my chances are slim. I just need hope. But how can any hope overpower all the fear inside me? I don't think it's possible. I realized sometime after I was reaped that I'm not afraid of the Games, the Arena, the other tributes, or becoming a murderer...I'm afraid of leaving everyone I love. I'm afraid of death.

Shaking these thoughts from my brain for the moment, I give Harper and Bruce one last nod before Claudius Templesmith booms into the Arena, "Ladies and gentlemen, let the 71st Annual Hunger Games begin!"


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Once the countdown hits zero, I sprint as fast as I can to the backpack and machete. I'm the first one there, and I snatch the items up. As I begin to run out of the mouth, I already hear a cannon blast. I look across, and see Bruce rising up from the body of a young boy. He quickly grabs the nearby backpack. _Good,_ I think. _Extra supplies._

I stumble a bit on another backpack, but I hop over it and continue running. The boy tribute from 10 tries to lunge at me. I easily evade him and, without a second thought, send my machete piercing through his chest. He screeches in pain before falling to the ground...dead. I continue on to where Bruce is standing without giving another thought to what I just did. We both turn around to fight anyone that may come our way.

"Harper," I say to him.

She was right behind me at the beginning. Worry pervades my mind, and I know we can't wait here much longer. Luckily, almost everyone has run off, or is dying in the bloodbath. A few seconds later, I see her figure emerge from the mouth of the Cornucopia. She's wearing a backpack, and holds two spears and an ax. I don't know how she's managing to hold all of that. She bolts over to us, and hands me the ax.

"Thought you might want this," she pants.

We escape into the forest, and while we're running, I hear two more cannons fire. _Three._ Then another. _Four._

"That's all?" Bruce lets out.

"I saw a bunch of tributes scatter off," Harper says. "Probably ten at the most, excluding Johanna and me, went to the Cornucopia. Oh, and Lake got the bow."

"Of course she did," I answer. "Now if you don't mind, I'd like to get as far away as I can from the Cornucopia. Also, we need to find out what's in these bags."

We swiftly maneuver through the forest, and then I hear a soft splashing sound. It's not a tribute. What is it?

"Do you guys hear that?" I ask.

"Yes! It's the ocean!" Harper exclaims. "My brother did research in District 4, he took me often. I learned how to swim."

"Great," I respond. "Think it's a safe area, or will the tributes from four be there?"

"I don't know. Maybe if we made a camp at the edge of the woods close to it we'd be fine."

"Ok. We should continue on though."

We walk almost two miles until we're sure we're safe. After we settle down on a fallen tree, I immediately open my backpack. To my surprise, the first thing I see is a small knife with a five inch blade.

"This will come in handy," I say.

"Great," Bruce answers. "I have a bottle of water, some food, and some rope."

"I have more food and a blanket thing. I'm not sure what it is," Harper adds.

I rummage through my backpack some more and find more rope, another water bottle, and some crackers. Of course the water bottle is empty. This stuff should hold us until tomorrow. I notice Bruce should be armed, and I hand him the machete, which has blood splattered all over it.

"Thanks," he says.

"No problem."

Already, the sky is growing dark, so we decide to set up a small camp. I gather some long branches, Harper some tall leaves, and Bruce keeps watch. We organize the leaves and branches around a small cave we managed to locate. It's near the area where the forest lets out onto the beach. By covering the rocks with our findings, it blends in more with the forest and looks similar to the ground.

We munch on the crackers and have a small drink of water, as we didn't exhaust ourselves too much yet. And to our luck, Harper located a small stream not too far from our camp. So we have some food, weapons, and a supply of fresh water. Also, Bruce's water bottle was the only one that had something to drink in it to begin with. _Lucky bastard,_ I think to myself.

"I'll hunt tomorrow," I announce. "I'm alright at setting snares, and I should be able to kill some animals with my ax."

"Oh, I can get fish," Harper says. "It's not that hard to spot them."

"Ok, sounds like a plan."

The blue sky seems to melt away and fade to black. The stars come out, and the Capitol anthem plays. It sickens me. If I have to hear this garbage every night I'm in this Arena, I might just have to kill myself. Only six tributes died today. Both from eleven. The boy from ten, the girls from five and six, and the boy from twelve. Eighteen left, this could take a while.

When the anthem ends, Harper drifts away to sleep, while Bruce and I stay on guard.

"Bruce," I begin, "That first cannon that went off - ,"

"Yes," he interrupts. "I killed him, the boy from twelve."

"How?"

"We both went for the same backpack. He tried to tackle me, but I had a good four inches on him. He ended up pulling me to the ground. So I rolled over, pinned him down, and a quick snap of the neck."

"Damn," I say laughing. "I killed that boy from ten. It wasn't even a fight. I guess I don't look so weak now."

"Yeah you sliced through his back. Look at this." He picks up the machete again, and shows me the now blood stained blade. "That's insane."

We both laugh, and a few minutes later Bruce lies down to sleep. Instead of lying next to him, I stay up and keep watch. I'd never fall asleep here, unless I was perched high up in a tree. It sucks that I'm in this situation. I need to act like I care about Bruce now, when in reality, I'd slice his neck open right now. It'd be easier, and I wouldn't have to think about what I did since I'd be concentrating on keeping myself alive. But if I had to kill him when only a few tributes remained...I'd feel the full impact of that.

I brush the subject from my mind, and gaze up at the stars, remembering nights when I used to stay out late with Sam. We'd wait for all the lumberjacks to clear away, then we would usually sit on a hill next to each other. The constellations always shined bright in the night sky, and we'd point out different ones to each other. We would usually talk about our day, and we told everything to one another. Sometimes we would end up falling asleep on the grass, and when we woke up the next morning, we'd laugh. There wasn't really a particular reason for it either. I never really thought about how much I trust Sam. She sure means a lot to me.

Of course Sam means a lot to me, I love her...I'm in love with her. I can't believe I fell in love with my best friend. But what am I saying, she can't love me back the way I want her to. Yeah she'd give her life for me...but relationship wise? It won't happen. _You don't know that._ Yeah I do. There's no way Sam could like girls. Her family would kick her out! _So, that doesn't always mean she won't like girls. I think she's in love with you too. Plus, Bruce told you she had a crush on you! And she even admitted it to you! _Nah, love never works on both sides. One person always falls for the other, but the other person doesn't love them back. And then that person's heart is broken. _That's why you don't fall in love_. What? _You're always in love, but don't fall in love Johanna. There's a difference. _Why? _Because you're smart. You know that things that fall...well, they break._

I let out a long sigh, and once I push this topic from my mind, another one fills its place. I don't want to think about it. It will destroy me. I can't think about this until I'm out of the Arena. I can't let this eat me up inside until I'm back home with Sam and will be able to break down to her. But as hard as I try to push it away, it keeps coming back.

I killed someone... No wait... I _murdered _someone today.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

I jump awake a couple hours later to the sound of a cannon. Afraid it might've been Bruce or Harper, I take my ax and emerge from the cave. I find both of them by the ocean, and I relax a little bit.

"Hey Johanna," Bruce says. "Harper was teaching me how to catch fish with my bare hands."

"Wonderful," I say with a slight tone. I'm starving, and decide to let them catch fish while I hunt for a squirrel. Or rabbit. Or anything to eat. "I'll hunt in the woods for a little. I won't go too far."

"Alright," Harper says, and they return to their fishing.

The smell of the pine needles reminds me of home. I feel as if it's just another normal day at work in the woods for me. I wish it was. _No,_ I tell myself. _You're here to survive, and to kill._ Wait... Did I just tell myself to kill more tributes? Wow, I never thought I'd be commanding myself to do that. The sight of something moving in the bushes catches my attention. Cautiously, I inch closer to it. All of a sudden, a squirrel leaps onto a tree. Without giving it another second to move, I launch my ax between its head and body.

I silently walk over to it and yank my ax out of the tree trunk. The squirrel's dead body falls to the ground. I pick it up and see it has a fair amount of meat on it. This will be enough for today. I head back to our camp, and Harper sits in the cave chatting with Bruce. They caught four fish, which may last until tomorrow.

"Look who's back," Bruce jokes. "We thought you ran off and got yourself killed."

"I didn't hear a cannon. But that won't happen anyway. Plus, I was only gone for about five minutes at the most," I say in return.

We cook the squirrel and two fish, then fill our stomachs with them. I take my sweatshirt off and wrap the remaining fish in it. The sweatshirt really wasn't necessary, as it's sort of warm in the Arena. We spend twenty minutes or so watching the waves wash up the shore until voices disrupt the silence.

Harper and I peek out of the cave, and to our right are a boy and girl tribute.

"That's Ryder," Harper snarls.

"I can tell you don't favor him," I say jokingly.

"I hate him," she replies. "And that's the girl from four."

Sure enough, I see a white number four on her sleeve. I never noticed that, and when I check my shirt sleeve, there's a white seven imprinted on it.

Ryder and the girl are heading away from us, so this would be the perfect time to attack. I feel my heart beat faster, and a blood thirsty look infiltrates into my face. Wait, I thought I hated the fact that I'm a murderer now. Why am I so excited at the thought of killing now? It has to be my determination to get back to Sam. That's the only reason I'll let myself accept as the real one.

"Alright, let's kill some bitches," Harper says standing up.

"Good," I reply.

We follow the two of them, and Bruce opts to stay behind. We keep a close eye on them, and stay near the edge of the forest using the bushes and trees as camouflage. Harper holds her spear, and an average size knife dangles from her belt. I, obviously, hold an ax. It has a blade about eight or nine inches long and a soft grip for my hands. It's a small throwing ax, but there's no reason I can't use it for close range combat. The knife I uncovered in my backpack is also with me, and rests in a sheath on my belt.

Honestly, I don't know why I'm donig this right now. I'm supposed to be acting weak. I should've been the one choosing to stay behind. I guess I'm just so excited to kill someone. That's probably not a good thing. But then again, I do want to make it out of here. I'm going to have to kill more tributes later on so why not start now?

I see Harper take a step forward, and she motions for me to run at the girl. Then, she takes another step and launches her spear, which strikes Ryder through the stomach. Taking that as my cue, I sprint towards the District 4 girl. She turns around in time and takes a swing at me with her knife.

I dodge the blow narrowly, and it just catches me on the side of my left arm. The blood instantly begins flowing out and soon soaks through my shirt. Then, I strike her in her left side, which was clearly vulnerable, with the ax. Harper comes up behind me and stabs Ryder repeatedly in the chest with her knife. He's still alive... well, barely. The blood pours out of his entire torso, and his shirt is soaked with it. The spear still protrudes from his chest, and the metallic red blood stains the once shiny silver coating of it. Then, his cannon goes off, but the girl from four is still alive. She's in pain, but somehow manages to pull the ax from her stomach and stand up from the ground.

She lunges at me, and blood drips from her shirt onto the beach. This time, I react a little too late, and we tumble to the ground. She draws her knife again, but before she gets a chance to stab me I punch her in the stomach, and my hand becomes covered in her blood.

I escape her grasp and push her off of me, then quickly rise to my feet. She tries to get up too, but she's losing too much blood and is growing too weak. I pull my throwing knife out of its sheath, and before she knows what happened it's already sticking out of her skull. Almost instantly after, I hear her cannon sound.

Her blood had splattered all over the knife, completely engrossing the handle too. I have to use some force before I finally yank it out of her skull. My throwing ax is also dripping with blood, and it's now leaked onto the sand, turning it dark red.

As I wash the blades off in the water, the blood continues to drip from my shirt. The wound isn't that deep, but I should still cover it just in case. Harper comes over to me. She somehow retrieved her spear from Ryder's body, and I don't want to know how.

"Feel better knowing you killed someone?" she says with a laugh.

"Absolutely. I loved how those fucking idiots didn't even know we were following them."

"You curse a lot," she replies with a grin.

"That's just the way I am," I say.

"It's okay, I like it."

"I never thought anyone would. My family hates it."

"Well, if that's how you act, why would someone want to change it?" she responds.

She's right about that. And the only person who never tries to stop me from cursing is Sam. I know she doesn't like it, but she just accepts it as a part of my personality...along with my sarcasm, rudeness, and well...everything. _Sam,_ I think, _I'll be home soon._

We give each other a high five, and then walk back to our camp where Bruce is waiting.

"I heard two cannons. Good to know they weren't for you." He flashes a smile towards me, and I grin back.

We spend the rest of the day basically doing nothing at all. No cannons blasted, and I'm getting an uneasy feeling the Gamemakers might do something. They have to keep the citizens of Panem entertained.

As dusk approaches, we prepare for sleep. I, again, volunteer to stay up as guard. Then, the smell of smoke wafts over my nose. Harper notices too, and finally Bruce. We look to our left, and sure enough, a huge wildfire engulfs the forest.

"Grab the weapons," I say instantly.

They follow my instructions, and Bruce slings one backpack over him. Apparently, he was able to pack most of our items into one, and not three.

We sprint away from the fire, and it continues to chase us down. Soon, we have no choice but to enter the woods. The fire rages on, spitting fire balls at us and knocking over trees. One of the fire balls even went flying past my head. I'm not sure how long we ran for, but definitely more than thirty minutes. Then suddenly, the fire dies out.

Nearing the river, we take out the water bottles and fill them. Panting, I take a couple gulps and feel replenished. If we hadn't moved sooner, we would've been burnt to a crisp by now. My attention is averted to movement in the trees. Harper and Bruce look up just as three other tributes emerge from the woods and don't hesitate to attack us. I notice their districts. The boy from nine and both tribtues from three.

I'm wrestled to the ground by one of the boys. He tries to strangle me, but I wriggle my hand free, draw my knife, and slice his arm open. The blood flies out, and some smears onto my face. He immediately releases his grip. Not a smart move. This allows me to push him off of me and completely turn around, and I make no mistake when I drive the knife through his chest. He screeches in pain, and blood sprays out of his heart. Some splashes on my face again, and I whip back around to see Harper fighting with the girl. A cannon sounds, and I know that the boy died. The girl from three wields a sword, and Harper parries her blows with her spear.

I take action, and without thinking, retrieve the ax I dropped earlier in the struggle and propel it towards the District 3 girl. As always, it hits my target directly in the head, crashing through her skull. She's killed upon impact, but it doesn't stop her momentum from slashing the sword across Harper's back. I hear her yelp in pain. In the midst of this madness, I completely lost track of Bruce. I hear footsteps running away, and see Bruce chasing after the boy from nine.

"Bruce stop!" I yell. I don't want him leaving. He might get himself killed. Maybe that would be better anyway though...then I wouldn't have to do it. Then I notice that the boy has another bow and a set of arrows. Bruce is armed with a machete, but he dropped his backpack. _That's what he's after, _I think.

I turn my attention to Harper, who must be in a ton of pain right now. I pick up my ax that the District 3 girl must have pulled out of her head. It didn't save her, as she just drowned in her own blood.

The wound, I already see, isn't that deep. But the bleeding needs to be stopped. I sense the rushing sounds of the river, and know that another cave must be nearby. Harper is still strong enough to walk, which is a good thing. I support her by wrapping my arm below hers and giving her a small boost up. I feel some of the blood from her wound drip onto my arm. Eventually, we find a very small cave that was probably carved by the river. I snatch Bruce's backpack and take some extra food the now dead tributes were carrying.

Once Harper's situated in the cave, I gather some moss to lay on her cut. She's lying down on her stomach when I return.

"Look," I say, "This will hurt, but it will soak up the blood."

"Okay," she says. She sounds like she's going to pass out, and I wouldn't be surprised if she does.

As I wash the blood off with some water, she winces in pain. She almost cries out when I lay the moss on.

"Shut up!" I tell her. "I don't want any more tributes coming our way."

"Sorry. It hurts now, but I'll get over it."

It's gotten very dark now, and I hear a beeping noise not too far away. Before I know it, a silver parachute falls in front of our cave. I snatch it back, and vigorously open it. It turns out to be a first aid kit. A note falls out, and I read it.

"Keep your ally alive. Anton."

"Thank you," I whisper into the darkness. It probably wasn't tough for him to get us sponsors for this. I mean, a tribute from a poorer district that actually has a fighting chance allied with a Career...that's a lethal combination.

Wasting no time, I wake up Harper who drifted off to sleep. Just as I'm about to tell her of the kit, the Capitol anthem plays. We watch as the faces illuminate the sky. Ryder, the girls from four and three, and the boys from three and nine all died today. Half of us are remaining. Bruce killed the boy from nine, which means he has a bow. Once the sky darkens again, I speak up.

"Here. My mentor sent me a first aid kit. It has bandages and some medicine to help with your wound."

"Thanks," she replies. We stare at each other, realizing how awkward this situation is about to get.

"Um," I start, "You're gonna have to take your shirt off so I can put the bandages and medicine on."

"Oh, ok," she replies, "This is awkward."

"Well if you want to die you can just leave your shirt on and get some kind of infection!" I try to sound as serious as possible, but it's no use. I smile a little bit, and Harper laughs in return. "Immaturity on our part huh?" I say

"Definitely," she replies as she turns her back to me to take her shirt, then her tank off.

I notice how weird this situation actually is. I mean, the Gamemakers put cameras in every space they can find. They're probably watching us right now. This is weird...

Her back is covered in blood, and I use her shirt to wipe some of it off.

"Guess I'll just be wearing a tank top for the rest of the Games," she comments as I toss her blood soaked shirt to the side.

"It's okay, you look hotter in the tank anyway," I reply with a playful wink. I figure if the whole country is watching this right now, then why not give them something interesting? She smiles a little seductively in return, and I have to remind myself to slow down a little bit. I really don't want to end up doing something with Harper. Oh whatever, it'll happen anyway...and I wouldn't mind it either.

I place several large bandages over the cut after I apply some medicine, and then wrap some other kind of bandage around her. I guess it's to hold these in place and to put pressure on the wound so the bleeding completely ceases. My second time going around her with the bandage, I stop halfway. _Shit, what the fuck are you doing Johanna_! I try to return to wrapping the bandage around Harper, but she rests her hands on mine.

She turns her face towards mine, and our eyes meet. Even in the darkness, her light gray eyes reflect the moonlight, and before I know what happened she closes the distance between our lips. _Wow, you little player._ What? _Bruce thinks you love him, but you really love Sam. Meanwhile, you're in the fucking Hunger Games making out with another girl! Are you out of your fucking mind?! _I like it though. _Well, Harper is really attractive. I'll give you that._

"Alright hottie. Put your clothes back on," I say after separating our lips.

She laughs as she throws her shirt over her. "Seriously?" she asks.

"I'm just messing with you! Now do you think we can get some sleep?"

"Yeah. That sounds like a good idea," she replies.

We move to the very back of the cave into total darkness. Still, I can't imagine what I was thinking when I stopped and literally stayed still with my arms around Harper. Then we kissed! No, it wasn't anything truly romantic. Was it? It couldn't be...I only love one person, and that's Bruce. _No you love Sam._ Fuck, you're right. But she can't love me in that way back. I have to try and keep it as best friends. I don't want to ruin it. _You just friend-zoned her, you know that right?_ I'm not friend-zoning anyone. Shut the fuck up already! _Seriously, stop cursing so much._ No. _Well, whatever you say...you love Sam. And I'm telling you, she loves you back. _

There's no way Sam could love me back. _Bruce told you she did though._ But even though you say she admitted it to me before the reapings, I don't think she could've meant it like that. _Maybe she wants you to admit it to her._ Maybe...but she has no idea how much I want her to be mine. _Then you'll get her._ What if I die? Then I'll never have the girl of my dreams. _And she'll never have hers._


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

The next morning, I jump awake to a tapping on my shoulder.

"Harper, oh my God, you scared the shit out of me!" I yell at her.

"Sorry. I found this parachute. I figured it was for you, so I thought you might want to open it." She hands me the parachute. I practically rip it open, and I find some bread. Two loaves, one for me and one for Harper I'm guessing. I read the note with it.

"Here's some food. Happy Birthday. Anton."

Wow, I completely forgot that today is my birthday. Sixteen going into the Arena, seventeen coming out...hopefully.

"It's for my birthday," I tell Harper.

"Oh. Great time for one," she says back. I laugh a little, because it does really suck to have a birthday during the Games.

"We need to search for Bruce though," I announce to her. "Bring the bread, and of course our weapons." I'm pretty sure that Harper and I could easily kill off Bruce if we had to. Honestly, I'm hoping someone else gets to it before I do. I know it's terrible to think about murdering a close friend, but I know it'll have to happen eventually. If we were the last two remaining, he wouldn't hurt me. He'd let me kill him. And knowing the selfish person I am...I'd do it too. But I won't have to do it. Someone else will. That'll save me a lot of guilt.

"Uh, Johanna..." I hear Harpet say.

"What?" I return, turining around to face her.

"You don't regret what happened last night, do you?"

I really wasn't expecting this kind of question right now. But truthfully, I liked what happened. I don't know what it was, but I enjoyed that kiss...more than the ones I shared with Bruce actually.

"I don't regret it. To be honest with you, I'm glad it happened," I finally answer.

"Would you do it again?"

I abruptly drop my ax, take a few steps towards her, place my hands on her neck, and pull her lips onto mine. I honestly don't know why I'm doing this right now. I should be looking for Bruce, not having another make out session with Harper.

"That should answer your question," I say once I separate our lips.

"I guess there won't be anymore of that once we're back with Bruce," she says with a hint of disappointment in her voice.

"I'm sure I'll steal a few when he's not paying attention," I reply letting out a slight laugh. "Now come on. We need to find him."

After a few hours of searching with no result, and a couple more lengthy kisses with Harper, I start to become nervous. The sound of a cannon a few minutes later basically finishes me off. To my relief though, I see a hovercraft carrying away the mangled body of a girl.

As we near the area of where she was killed, Harper and I draw our weapons. I hear footsteps behind me, and spin around. Just as I'm preparing to throw my ax at my target, Bruce's voice enters my ears.

"Whoa there birthday girl, calm down," he says laughing, walking out from the trees. He has his bow in his hands with a quiver containing about twenty arrows on his back.

"You remembered?" I ask, shocked that he did.

"Of course," he replies hugging me. "It's nice to see you're both still alive."

"It's better knowing we're back together now," Harper says. I nod in agreement. I don't think I could've taken one more minute being separated from Bruce.

"So, who was that tribute killed?" I ask him.

"The girl from ten. I didn't kill her though. I was sitting in a tree when it happened. Apparently there's another alliance."

"Fuck," I mutter. "Did you see which ones?"

"Yeah. That girl you hate. Um, Lake. That's her name right?"

"Yep. Go on."

"Well it's her, the boy from eight, that guy Blade from four, and the girl from one. And you shouldn't curse so much," he says laughing.

That's a pretty strong alliance they have. Lake also has the other bow, which makes them even more powerful. I'm surprised we haven't come across them more, but sooner or later we'll have to. Another cannon disrupts our thoughts. Ten left.

"We need to set up camp. I have the bread Anton sent me, and I would like to know who just died," I proclaim, disregarding what Bruce mentioned about my swearing.

We all agree that we should camp out in some trees. Harper manages to climb up one without much trouble. Bruce and I follow her up. The trees in this forest are huge, and I think they're some kind of giant cypress. We're easily forty feet off the ground. I'm not sure what kind of forest this is, but it seems like the Gamemakers threw in every type. I've seen pine, maple, oak, and even redwoods scattered all around.

Within twenty minutes, the giant, blazing ball of fire known as the sun sinks below the horizon and is gradually replaced by the moon. As the Capitol anthem rings around the Arena, I hand Harper the medicine from the first aid kit.

"In case you want it," I say.

The last tribute that died was the girl from one.

"I thought she was in that other alliance," I say.

"Maybe they turned on her," Bruce replies quietly.

I see Bruce's eyes drift over to the container that holds Harper's medicine. Somehow Harper managed to spread it on her cut, which looks a lot better considering the bleeding completely stopped.

"Can I use some?" Bruce asks.

"Oh, sorry. There wasn't much in there," Harper replies.

"Why, do you need it?" I ask him.

He shows me a long gash in the side of his right leg.

"How did I not notice that? Are you alright?"

"I'll be fine. But I would like it to heal completely."

How am I the only one not seriously injured yet? I ask myself. All I have is a small cut on my arm, which is almost fully healed.

We munch on the bread Anton sent me, and as we're preparing to sleep I hear Claudius Templesmith boom into the microphone, "Attention tributes!" Bruce, Harper, and I focus our hearing on his voice. "At sunrise tomorrow, a feast will be held. This feast contains any food, weapon, or medicine you may need to survive. Good luck! And may the odds be ever in your favor!"

I look over at Harper, then at Bruce. I'm not sure if we need weapons, but Bruce could use some medicine, and some more food would be nice too.

"Why is the feast so early?" I ask. "They usually have one when only five or six tributes remain."

"Maybe that's what they want," Harper answers. "There hasn't been much fighting lately."

"True," I reply. "We're going tomorrow. For medicine and food. Maybe we can even kill some people." Bruce and Harper nod. As she falls asleep, I turn to Bruce. "You need the medicine. Don't protest with me now. But please, try not to die."

"I'll try my best," he says soothingly.

I lay awake in his arms. I haven't slept much, but I never really felt tired in the first place. My thoughts are all fuzzy, and I'm not really sure how I feel right now. But what I do know, is that the only place I can have the least bit of peace and happiness is with Bruce. He's the only one I truly trust in this Arena. It's ironic because I can't even trust myself in here. I could kill him right now if I wanted to. But honestly, in the back of my mind, I'm hoping Bruce doesn't make it through tomorrow. It sounds terrible, and I know I'll be devastated when he dies. But I don't want to face the fact that I may have to kill him myself. And even though Harper is an ally, she's still a Career, and could possibly turn on Bruce or me in a split second if she wanted to. _She probably won't betray you. Considering you two kissed. _Don't give me shit about that. _I'll do whatever I want. _All these thoughts trade places with each other the entire night, until I see the sun peak over the horizon.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

I shake Bruce and Harper awake. "Hurry up. I want to get there first. The last thing we need is to be in the middle of an all out brawl."

We climb down from the tree, and make our way through the forest. Soon, I see the open field that contains the Cornucopia. The rising sun reflects off its golden top, casting rays in every direction. We take a position on the border of the forest and field, but still keep ourselves concealed. I see the items for the feast. Weapons, obviously, crates of food, and some of the medicine Bruce needs.

About half an hour passes, and still no other movement. So of course, the moment we decide to bolt to the Cornucopia, the other seven tributes do the same. My group reaches it first, and I grab the medicine and quickly stuff it into my backpack. A few other tributes reach the Cornucopia seconds later. I see a one, five, and six on their shirts.

The boy from six tries to snatch a knife, but Bruce lets an arrow fly into his heart. He falls instantly, and a cannon sounds. As I stand up from grabbing some food, the boy from one tackles me. He doesn't have any weapons, which is probably why he came here in the first place. He rips my ax out of my hand and tosses it aside. Great, now it's nothing but a fist fight. Honestly, I can't imagine how he doesn't have any weapons, considering he's a Career. Wow these Games have been strange so far...

Other tributes arrive, and each one becomes engrossed in their own battle. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Lake dashing to the hilly fields with replenished arrows and food. The girl from District 8 chases after her.

I throw a hard punch to the boy's jaw, and hear something crack. He gasps in pain as the blood starts flowing out of his mouth. He comes back with a right swing, which I easily avoid, but he throws his left hand right after, and it catches me in the nose. A rush of pain flows through my face. Before I can react he jumps on me again, and we both fall to the ground.

He tries to punch me in the face again, but I knee him in the stomach. I roll around, and end up on top of him. I slam my fist into the center of his face, which causes his head to slam into the ground as well. He's stunned, but I don't stop there. I let him stand up before I push him into a metal table in the center of the Cornucopia. I hear something in his back crack, and it was probably his spine. He tries to pull himself up, but I pounce on him and smash his head into the edge of the table. After a few times, the blood begins to fly out, and I can hear the horrible crunching sound of his skull with each hit. He cries out in pain, until finally he stops, and a cannon blasts. The thick red blood continues to flow out of the side of his head, seeping into the ground.

My hands are soaked with his blood, and I wipe some of it off on my shirt before grabbing my ax and slinging my backpack over my shoulder.

I turn around and see the District 5 boy's body lying on the ground too. Blade runs off with some food and a machete. Harper collects more food, and we both look up just as the District 8 boy's sword drives through Bruce's stomach.

Without thinking, I launch my ax at the boy. It meets his head at the same time Harper's spear pierces through his heart. A cannon goes off, and I know it's not Bruce. He's lying on the ground, in pain, and bleeding profusely. I rush to his side and kneel next to him. He leans against the side of the Cornucopia, and his shirt is already saturated with blood.

"No," I say. "Please Bruce you can't die." But in the back of my mind, I know I want him to. It'll save me the pain of doing it myself. But still, he's my ally...my friend...a reminder of home. But wait, I don't need to be reminded of home right now. I'll make it back there. To my family...and to Sam.

He coughs up some blood. "It's alright. At least I'll be away from this madness."

Why did this have to happen? If both of us weren't reaped then I wouldn't have to go through this. Bruce wouldn't have to go through this. I know deep down I wanted him to die and I knew he wasn't going to win. But I don't think anyone really knows what it's like to watch a friend bleed to death in front of them...

"Johanna, you're going to win."

I grip his hand. He can't leave me. I don't want him to leave me. I know everything I do to try and save him now would be futile. I can't imagine any feeling worse than this...knowing someone you love is going to die and knowing you can't do anything about it. There's nothing more I want to do now than cry. But I'll never let that happen. This country, my family, and President Snow can all see me fight, see me kill, or see me murdered. But one thing they will never see me do is cry. Sam is the only person in this entire world that's seen me cry. Crying is a sign of weakness...and I'm anything but weak. Still holding his hand, I kiss him one last time before the cannon blasts.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

The blood seeps through his shirt. I try to stop the bleeding, but to no avail. He gasps for air, his last breath. I watch helplessly as the life drains out of his eyes. Then, the moment I've been dreading...a cannon blast.

My eyes shoot open, and I realize it was only a dream. No, it wasn't a dream. Two days ago someone I loved was killed. Wait, not killed. _Murdered._ That's the right word. Then doesn't that make me a murderer? I've killed four tributes. No. I'm not a murderer, the Capitol is. They pit us against each other. They make us kill each other while they cheer for more blood.

"Johanna! Nice to see that you're awake." Harper takes a seat next to me on the ground. She seems alright, and didn't sustain any injuries yesterday.

We're under a small tree, and the drooping branches and long, wispy leaves provide cover.

"Who's left?" I ask wearily.

"Us, Lake, and Blade. I'm assuming Lake killed the girl from eight."

"Yeah she did. I'm positive about that," I reply.

Still, I can't decide what my feelings are toward Harper. Ally? _Yes._ Friend? _I'd say so._ The possibility of more than friends? Probably. _Um, no...there's no possibility of you and her being more than friends._ Why? _Because you want Sam_. Well, even if Harper and I could be with each other, it wouldn't matter. _Don't forget you kissed her._ Well, technically she's the one who kissed me. _Don't act like you didn't like it._ Of course I did! But I don't have to worry about being with her, there's only one winner. God now I'll be losing a friend too, I think to myself.

So it'll be a friend, someone I love, and what next? My family? Even the thought of that terrifies me. I swear, it's remarkable someone hasn't tried to start a rebellion again. Why are we so afraid? Maybe people think they'll get the same punishment as District 13. No one ever mentions that district anymore. Well, Sam and I do. We always talked about how brave they were. They weren't strong enough though, and couldn't rally more districts to follow them.

My district joined them though. Yeah that got half of it blown to bits. What's wrong with this country? They have us so desensitized that we don't even call each other people or kids in the Arena. We think of one another as "tributes" now, that we're nothing more than a sacrifice. People bet on who will win or die. They want us to senselessly beat the shit out of each other, and we do. They arm us with weapons, giving us each a different way to kill someone. Twelve year olds, murdered. Then there are the Careers, who celebrate with each kill. But am I really any different? I've killed four tributes up until now, and assisted in the death of another.

I only did it to keep myself alive. I wasn't just going to let myself die. That would be too easy. They wanted fighting, blood, and death. That's what they got. But what about the girl from four? She and Ryder were just casually walking when we attacked them. They didn't even know...they didn't even know death was walking right behind them. We killed them for no reason. Then we went back to our camp, bragging about how we killed them and how stupid they were. We boasted about how many tributes we killed, and how.

No, let me get my thoughts straightened out. I'm a tribute. I'm a person. I'm in the Arena. There are four of us left. There were twenty four, but they're all dead. There's only one winner.

I didn't just kill those tributes to keep myself alive. I didn't kill anyone. I murdered four people, four teenagers, four children. Wow, these Games really do change a person. I guess I never realized I'd be able to take someone else's life. Well, we all have the ability to do it, but I never thought about it. Actually, I never thought about it until now. I was forced to kill, or else I'd lose my own life. But doesn't that contradict everything? That's what the other tribtues are doing. Except the Careers, they do it for show, glory, and fame. Meanwhile, I'm murdering...wow did I basically just call myself a murderer? _Just forget about that word,_ I tell myself. Anyway, I'm trying my best to survive because I want to get back to my family...I want to get back to Sam. There's no one in this world I love more than her.

Wow, did I really just admit I love Sam? Yeah, I did. _You finally admitted it. You finally let yourself beieve it. And you should because it's true! _But what kind of love is it? I know she's my best friend, but do I want a different kind of love from her? Whoa, whoa, whoa...stop thinking about that Johanna, I tell myself. _But you can't stop thinking about her because you want her_. I really think you're right about that. _Of course I'm right. I'm always right. Plus, you admitted you loved her before. You told her! _But I can't let myself fall in love with her. My heart will get broken. _You already have. You can't keep denying it like you have been though._

I just brush the subject out of my mind. I can deal with it when I see Sam again.

How did I find killing those teenagers fun though? I don't know. That's the past, and I need to focus on the future. They're dead. I murdered them...Agh, that word. I "killed" them. These are the only games where slaughtering is encouraged. There is no second place. There's one winner. That winner will be me.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

"Johanna, we have to kill them," Harper says.

"Yeah sure. Have the last two tributes be you and me," I reply sarcastically.

"If that's the case, then you'll be the winner."

"You're not serious, are you?" I ask.

"Of course I am. I'd give my life protecting you."

She would actually kill herself for me. That certainly is very brave, and I guess Bruce was right when he said he would be away from this madness.

If you're dead, you don't have to watch these games anymore. Maybe the consequences are harsher for those who win: bathe in riches, become an alcoholic, and so much more. The worst is probably living with the guilt of knowing you survived the Arena.

Without thinking about my actions, I find myself with my arms on Harper's waist and my lips pressed against hers.

"What do you think the Capitol is making of this?" she asks, breaking away from the kiss for a moment before placing her mouth on mine again.

"Probably don't know what to do," I respond in between short kisses. In the midst of yet another make out session, I find that I've unconsciously moved my hands under Harper's tank top. It's still on her, but now my hands press against her bare back. "Too far?" I ask.

"Not at all," she replies. "And ummm...what's that behind you?" Great...make out mood ruined.

I look to where she's pointing. Sure enough, a strange looking creature is perched in one of the trees. It seems very familiar. Fluffy brown fur, round skull, short ears, wide dark eyes, and a long tail that curls up at the end. Its body is lean, and the creature looks like it's built for agility. I've seen these things before.

"It's a monkey," I tell her. "They're usually not harmful. But these are the Games. You never know."

I'm getting mixed feelings about the monkey. They are only confirmed when it bars its teeth and lunges on top of me. I'm taken by surprise, and go crashing to the ground. The monkey slashes its claws, and one of them catches me, drawing a long gash down the entire side of my right arm. Immediately, blood begins to pour out of my arm and run down it, eventually dripping off the tips of my fingers.

I'm able to pry the monkey off me, and swiftly decapitate it with my ax. I examine the dead monkey, and it seems like I forgot to notice the three inch long, sharpened nails it had. The Gamemakers definitely made this. No normal monkey just attacks someone like that.

"Let's get out of here." I turn to Harper, and nod toward the direction of the Cornucopia.

"Not my ideal place, but okay," she replies.

I'm afraid there are more monkeys or mutts, or whatever they are out there. Heading to an open area should be better, since we can see all angles.

As we journey through the forest, I hear shrieking and howling behind me. Sure enough, what seems like a whole army of monkeys is chasing us.

"Go," I tell Harper. "We need to out run them. They could be anywhere in the trees."

We start sprinting, still in the direction of the Cornucopia. The monkeys are gaining on us. A few of them leap down and advance towards us on the ground.

We run for what seems like an hour, until I finally see the opening in the trees to the field. Some of the monkeys start to drop back, but the ones on the ground keep chasing us.

Just as we hit the clearing, two monkeys pounce on us. They take us down, but we easily manage to throw them off. Once we stand up, the monkeys retreat. They look like they've noticed something behind us, and they keep shrinking back into the forest. I feel a little lightheaded from the blood I've lost, but I pay no attention to the wound and instead plant my mind on the idea of finally finishing the Games.

Harper and I turn our attention behind us as we slowly make our way to the Cornucopia. While we're walking, Blade and Lake dart out from the other side of the field. Well...this should be fun.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

"Well isn't this wonderful," I mutter.

They look like they were chased by something too. Obviously this was done by the Gamemakers. I'm sure they want the Games to end already. We've been in here for almost a week.

Blade and Lake quickly catch sight of us, and head our way. Lake still has her bow, with only one arrow left. Blade has an average sized machete. Harper and I have all our weapons. The only thing we left behind was the backpack. I managed to maintain the throwing ax and the knife through this entire time. Harper has a spear, as well as another knife.

"Let's get this over with," I hear Lake yell. She dashes toward me, and draws her last arrow. She halts about thirty yards away, and aims at my heart. "Give up," she shouts.

I notice Harper and Blade have gotten into their own struggle already.

"Why? Then it will be you and your ally over there," I reply smugly.

"Oh, I can easily kill either of them."

_What a bitch,_ I think. I'd kill her if I had to live with her in her district. "With what? An imaginary arrow?" I taunt.

Anger floods her face, and her muscles tense.

"If you were a real archer or hunter, you'd know to always take advantage of the game you hunt," I go on. "Why didn't you shoot me already?"

That did it. She totally snapped and lets the arrow fly. I knew she would do it, and easily evade the arrow. She starts running towards me again, and I launch my ax at her. She narrowly dodges it. It catches her right arm though, and blood flies out. She continues forward, and lunges for my throat.

We tumble to the ground, and she punches me in the jaw. I hear a sick cracking sound, and blood begins to pour out of my mouth. She tries to pin my arms down, but I wriggle my right arm free and land a blow to her left temple. She screeches in pain, and a smile crosses my face. I bring both legs up and propel her off me with a strong kick to her stomach.

I pull myself up from the ground, and spot my knife. It must have fallen out during the struggle. Lake stands up wearily and stumbles into the Cornucopia. She notices my knife too, but before she can go for it, I bolt over to her and slam her against the side of the Cornucopia. She glares at me with pure loathing, and I return the favor.

She slams her fist into my stomach, and I lose my breath for a second. I lock my hands onto her shoulder, preventing her from prying free. I know she wants... no, she needs the knife. It's her only chance of survival. She makes another effort to push me aside. That one worked. My grip falters for a split second, but it's enough for her to break free.

I won't let her get that knife. I pounce on her back, but a little too late, as she has the knife fully grasped in her hand. _Shit, _I think. She lashes out with the knife and rolls over, throwing me off of her. I quickly spring up and face her. I have nothing but my bare hands, and she has the knife. This could be it. _No...Until the end, _I tell myself.

"Still thinking about fighting more?" she taunts. "Or are you done with your murdering?"

The word pierces my skin deeper than any knife could. _Murderer._ Never have I thought I'd come to be one. But, these Games took so much from me. It almost seems as if they've "de-humanized" me. Each morning I woke up and thought about the next tribute I'd kill...and how I'd do it. I wanted them to suffer. I wanted them to know they didn't stand a chance. Thinking of me as a weakling...yeah right.

"You're no different," I spit back.

"We're all murderers," she answers. "But for some, it doesn't take much to find that out. Apparently for you, it didn't take long at all. What will your family think of you? Knowing they have a murderer living with them? Huh?"

There it is... She could've called me anything she wanted to then. But one thing I will never accept myself being is a murderer.

Without thinking about my actions, I lunge at her. She swings the knife right at my chest, but I'm able to deflect it upward at the last second. Instead, it slashes across my collarbone, and I choke down my pain. I find a grip on her wrist that holds the knife. She lands a hard punch to my stomach, but I don't falter this time. Shrugging the pain away, I come back with my right hand and land a blow to her head. She lets out a short cry of pain before stumbling back a bit. Her hand comes free from my wrist. But she still has the knife. Damn it.

She comes back forcefully, lashing out with blow after blow...All of which I narrowly dodge. She's pushing me back towards the Cornucopia, and I know it won't be long until she has me cornered. Making the most of the space I have, I stop moving my feet backwards. When she loads up for another blow, I do the only thing I can do to keep myself alive. I slash my arm upwards as her knife comes forward at my chest. The only thing I feel is the knife tearing through my flesh, eventually piercing my bone. This is the first time I cry out in pain, as the thick warm blood gushes out of my arm.

Putting it aside for a split second, I bring my leg around and land the toes of my foot into Lake's abdomen. I can't even feel my left arm right now, and disregarding the pain I know is to come, I yank the knife out of my forearm. Again, the tearing sound of my flesh comes with it. The blood continues to spray out, and I almost lose my grip on the knife as it's become so slippery from the blood dripping over it.

Lake is still stunned a little from my kick, so I do it again. This time, she's hunched over in pain, and my foot finds her temple. She cries out, and falls to the ground. Without hesitating, I raise the knife and bring it down into her chest. Again I do it, and again, and again, until by the fifth time it's punctured her heart she lies still. A cannon fires, and a smile spreads across my face.

I sit on the grass, catching my breath, when I hear a scream. I completely forgot about Harper and Blade. Looking to my left, I see Blade's machete piercing Harper's chest. Anger rushes through me as I locate my ax. Without a second thought, I retrieve it and propel it at Blade's head.

I never miss my target, and in a split second my ax is lodged in his head. It actually hit him lower down on his jaw. Because of this, I know he didn't die instantly. I grip my knife and charge at him. I want to make sure that the last thing he remembers is pain.

Putting aside my own, I drive my knife repeatedly into his chest. Each time I remove it and load up for another blow, more and more blood flies out. Within another ten seconds, I hear two cannons back to back. I stick my knife into Blade's chest one last time before yanking my ax out of his face.

I look around the Cornucopia, then at Harper, then Blade. Blood still pours out of both of their chests.

There are no more tributes or mutts. I am the last one standing. I am the Victor.

There's one more thing I want to do, and I easily spot the Capitol seal on the top of the Cornucopia. My ax still drips with blood as I launch it towards the seal. It hits it right in the center, causing the seal to shatter.

A pause of about thirty seconds occurs before Claudius Templesmith booms into the Arena, "Ladies and gentlemen, the Victor of the 71st Annual Hunger Games!"

I can't process my thoughts right now, and soon a hovercraft circles above me. A ladder drops, and I grip onto it. Some sort of electric current freezes my entire body. I can still move my eyes, and I catch a final glimpse of the Arena. _We all make it out of here one way or the other,_ I think to myself.

A couple Peacekeepers hoist me into the hovercraft, where a medical team begins treating my wounds. The gash from the monkey-mutt thing was actually pretty deep. That should be a nasty scar. But the Capitol has medicine that should fix it. The one thing I desperately want them to fix though is my jaw and my arm. I'm pretty sure Lake broke it, or fractured it for the most part. But pain constantly rushes through my entire face, and a little blood still trickles from my mouth. My arm is searing with pain right now, and blood continues to flow out at a steady pace. I look at my mangled arm. Bits and pieces of muscle and tissue stick out at random places from when I pulled out the knife. It was to survive though. I would've been dead, and pain is much more bearable for me than death.

I'm not really sure how to feel right now. Am I really the Victor? Did I actually make it out of there? Maybe I'm really dead. Then why am I still feeling pain? Suddenly, a doctor sticks a needle into my arm, and everything turns black.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

A bright light practically blinds me as I open my eyes to small slits. I don't know where I am. Taking in my surroundings, I see people in white coats moving around, and tubes and needles stick out of my arm. I feel them in my face too.

A man comes over to me. "You're awake. Can you talk yet?"

"Where am I?" I blurt out. The pain in my jaw is gone, and it feels like it's been realigned somehow.

"You'll be meeting with your mentor soon," he replies.

Soon? I want to see Anton now. I want to see anyone I can remotely trust right now.

I try to sit up, but some sort of band around my waist prevents me from doing so. This doesn't feel like a doctor's office, lab, whatever they call it here. It feels like a torture chamber. Not that I already survived one. I think being in the Arena is the worst torture I'll have to endure. Thank God it's over.

Still, I can't believe I made it out of there. How did I survive? That wasn't supposed to happen. I'm supposed to be dead right now. There were stronger tributes in that Arena with me.

"Let me out of here," I say calmly. I can't really muster the energy right now to yell or curse, or do anything that will force them to release me.

"Your arm won't heal fully," a doctor replies.

"I don't care if I have a scar or not. I would like to see my mentor."

"Very well then," another doctor says.

The band on my stomach is removed, and I feel like I can breathe normally again. The tubes and needles are taken away. A doctor hands me some kind of robe. I can't believe they actually cooperated with me.

I realize that only a light sheet has been covering me this whole time. Slowly, I throw on the robe. Yes, it is a robe you would wear after taking a shower. It's actually quite comfortable and very soft.

A couple of Peacekeepers lead me to an elevator. I feel better now that I'm out of that doctor lab. They basically had me at their mercy. I hate feeling vulnerable like that. The doors slide open, and I realize we're at my district floor. I step onto the cold tiling and spot Anton on the couch. He looks over at me and smiles. He motions for me to sit next to him, and I do.

"The final interview is tonight," he begins. "Once you're done with that, you can go home."

I smile at the thought of seeing my family and friends soon. "What kinds of questions does Caesar ask?"

"They're simple," he replies. "Stuff like 'how did you feel when you won?' Easy to answer."

"Alright. I think I can handle that."

"Think that'll heal all the way?" he asks, pointing to my arm.

A nasty scar is all that remains. "Hopefully. I can't believe they put it back together. I mean, my flesh was completely torn out."

"It was horrible to watch. But you did it to save your life. That's all that matters. By the way, you need to see Neo. He has your dress for you."

I nod and stand up. Anton directs me to Neo's room, and I gently knock on the door. Within a few seconds, it opens.

"Hey Johanna," he says. "I have your dress ready. Nice to see you still have this." He points to my necklace.

How am I still wearing it? I'm surprised those doctors didn't take it off. Still, I'm relieved. I stroll into Neo's room while he fetches my dress. He returns holding a silky, sky blue dress. It has one strap that goes over my right shoulder, and it looks like it should fall right at my knees.

"I love it," I say. I don't know why, but whenever I see one of the dresses Neo designs, they always bring out this girly side in me I never knew I had.

"I thought you would," he answers.

Once he hands it to me, I run in the bathroom to try it on. It fits perfectly. I walk out to show Neo, and he gives me some black flats with a sky blue jewel in the center to match the dress.

"Your prep team will clean you off, but those doctors did that for the most part," he says.

Within minutes my prep team bursts into the room. All they really do is style my hair and nails. They tell me how beautiful I look and how excited they are to be the prep team of a Victor. I don't really listen to them though.

Once they finish, I say a thanks to Neo and meet Anton by the elevator. The time went by so quickly today, as it's already time for my interview.

"Just be yourself," Anton tells me as we near the hallway leading to the stage. "The audience likes you a lot more now that you're Victor."

"So they didn't like me before?" I ask jokingly. We both laugh, and he leaves me once we reach the hallway.

"Have fun," he says.

I peer out to the stage and see Caesar. He smiles at me and nods, indicating he's about to start. The introductory music plays, and the crows begins cheering. After they die down a little bit, he begins.

"I'm honored to introduce the Victor of the 71st Hunger Games, Johanna Mason!"

Thunderous applause shakes the theatre as I saunter onto the stage. I take a seat in the white leather chair next to Caesar, and he immediately begins the interview.

"What I want to know is how you felt when you won. What were your emotions?" he asks.

"It's not something I can describe," I respond. "Every thought imaginable rushed through my mind. I was happy, angry, joyful, even a little depressed. It seemed to happen so quickly. I didn't really know how to react."

"Depressed," Caesar says. "Why?"

"I just kept saying to myself that there were twenty four of us. Why did I survive?"

The audience gives a sympathetic sigh, and Caesar's face turns to a serious expression from a soft one.

"Now tell me Johanna," he begins, "Was there a particular reason for what you did once you won?"

I know he's talking about the Capitol seal, and somehow I knew a question like this would surface. The audience sits on the edge of their seats, anticipating my response. There's no way I'm telling them my true intentions for it.

"I don't really know," I let out. "I guess at that point, I was so overwhelmed with emotions I didn't even think about what I was doing. I mean, when you've survived the death of twenty three other teenagers, including an ally and someone you loved...you can't really process your thoughts."

Caesar nods, and seems satisfied with my answer. "One more question," he says.

"Hurry up," I say with a grin. "My train home leaves in five minutes."

Caesar, along with the audience, laughs and then quiets down to hear his question. "It relates to home. What is the first thing you're going to do?"

"Obviously see my family and some close friends," I reply. "Then move into the Victor's Village, and soon I'll be on the Victory Tour. I guess I don't really have anything special planned out. But right now, I don't really care. That's the only thing on my mind...seeing my family and the person I love." Shit, I shouldn't have said that.

"There's a special someone at home?" he inquires.

"Yeah," I answer. "I've loved her since the day I met her."

"Does she feel the same way about you?"

"I hope so! It would really suck if she didn't," I say, and Caesar as well as the audience laughs.

"Well...I'm sure she'll be happy to see you. Ladies and gentlemen, the Victor of the 71st Hunger Games, Johanna Mason!"

The crowd erupts into applause as I stroll off the stage. Anton meets me in the hall.

"Well, you've done it," he says.

"What?"

"Everything! You won the Hunger Games, won over the audience, but I'm sure the Capitol hates you."

"I know. At least I'm going home though," I reply.

We head right to the train station, and I say my goodbyes to Neo, Atina, and my prep team.

Anton and I board the train, and he sits next to me on the couch. Once the engine fires up, we pull out of the station. The train picks up speed quickly, and we're already out of the Capitol.

I change out of my dress and into some black jeans with a white collared shirt. Anton said I needed to look "presentable" when I arrive home. When I return to the couch, Anton speaks up. "When you said depressed, there had to be another reason for it."

"Yes, there was," I reply. "I watched Bruce die in front of me. Have you ever had that feeling? That no matter what you do, nothing will help?"

"I can't say I have."

"Well I haven't either. Until that moment. When I knew he was going to die. I knew no effort could save him. That's when I had that feeling. And it really sucked."

"At least you still have your family," he says. "And that girl you love." He's right. There are still people I love at home. I just never developed any of "those" feelings for anyone except Bruce. Well...except Sam. Wait, no...she's just a close friend. I've known her since I was like eight basically. So technically I should be able to say I love her. I mean, she's always been there for me. But fuck, I want her so badly. And I basically admitted to the entire country I loved her. She was definitely watching the interview. So now she knows. Fuck, there goes any chance I have with her.

I just never thought I could be attracted to her. She is really pretty though. _Why do you keep pushing yourself away from her? _What are you talking about? _You've always been trying to convince yourself you're not in love with her but you are! _I don't know if I'd want a relationship with her though. _Of course you do. Stop telling yourself that. You're in love with Sam!_ Dammit...you're right. She's everything to me. _Thank you. It's about time you accepted it. I don't get you sometimes._

I've just never had these feelings before. I've never been in love before. _I understand. But you need to know that she loves you back. Your heart won't break over her. _

Anton and I talk about a number of other things for basically the whole train ride. I'm in the middle of a sentence when I stop abruptly at the sight of the forests of District 7.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

The train screeches to a halt into our central station. I look out the window, and see what I think is the entire district outside. They all clap and cheer as I exit the train. I'm not even a yard from the train when Rocco jumps on me. He's hugging me so tightly I think I might suffocate. I hug him back.

"Johanna you're alive!" he says with a huge smile on his face.

"No, I'm dead," I say sarcastically, rolling my eyes. He giggles and hugs me again. I never thought I'd be so happy to see him.

My mother and Gage make their way over to me. I embrace my mom first, and she starts crying.

"Mom, everything's okay now," I say to her.

"I just never thought I'd see you again," she replies, tears rolling down her cheeks.

I turn to Gage, who has tears in his eyes. I start chuckling at the sight of this. I'd never expect someone like him to cry. Tall, dark brown hair, light brown eyes, and muscular. Guys like him aren't supposed to cry, but I know my brother, and he's actually a real softie at heart.

"Go ahead, cry," I tell him. He laughs and gives me a giant hug, then starts crying.

"Welcome home," he says in between sobs. Behind him, I see my older sister walk over.

"I always teased you when you were younger," she says smiling.

"About everything too! But especially about being the weak one in the family. Not so weak now huh?" I say back. "It's great to see you though."

"Better to see you. I watched the whole thing in District Five. Do you know what I had to go through when they found out you were my sister?"

"I don't want to know," I reply. She gives me a quick hug. "Now, if I can get out of this mob, there's one more person I have to see."

Nikki helps me navigate out of the crowd, and once I escape from it, I basically make a beeline to the forest. I know where Sam will be, and honestly, I don't know why I'm so eager to see her. _Because you love her, that's why._ I just want her to be mine so badly.

I swiftly make my way through the forest. When I reach the opening in the trees to the large hill we always sit on, I see her figure there. I slowly approach her.

"I remember all the times we spent looking at the night sky from here," I say.

Sam turns around, and runs over to me. She hugs me, and I find myself hugging her back.

"Oh my God. It's really you. You're alive!" she exclaims.

"No really brainless," I say back.

She laughs. "I can't have one minute with you without you being sarcastic can I?"

"Very unlikely, but I'll try," I respond.

We stand by a tree, watching the sunset. Orange, pink, and purple rays are cast throughout the sky.

"I'm sorry about what happened to Bruce," Sam says.

"Why are you sorry? I'm the one who should be sorry. I could've saved him."

"No, you couldn't have. Don't blame it on yourself," she replies.

"Who else should I blame then?"

"Oh I don't know. Maybe the Capitol? They're the ones who do this to the whole country after all."

She has a point. But still, I watched Bruce die, and I didn't even try to save him. No that's not true. I knew he couldn't be saved in the first place. Besides...this will only make me feel guilty about myself, which won't end well.

"And please don't hurt yourself over this," she continues, as if she can read my mind. "I'll put up with anything you say or do, but that's one thing I can't stand. I love you Johanna, and I don't want to see your harm yourself over something you had no control over."

"I'll try to resist it. But you know how I am...sometimes I can't help it," I reply.

"I know. And I know you've had problems with your family that's made you hurt yourself before. I hate to see you in pain."

"Well, I can't say I'm in pain now since I'm with you."

She smiles before replying. "When we were younger, I always looked forward to watching the sunsets with you."

"So did I. It was the only time I felt I could relax."

"We told each other everything. Because of that, I know all your weaknesses." A smirk crosses her face.

"Please, I'm a Victor," I say back.

"Oh, yeah right. I know your favorite color is a dark, royal, purple, you love sports, even though we don't have competitions in them anymore...besides killing other teenagers. Let's see, people annoy you most of the time, you hate stuck-up people, you hate school yet you love to read, you're scared of spiders, and I could go on forever. Anything really important I'm leaving out?"

"I can't believe you remembered all that," I manage to get out. "I don't even know that much about myself. There is one thing though, that you forgot."

"What's that?"

"I'm absolutely terrified of losing people I love. That's why I'm not an open book to others. Remember how frustrated you were with me because I wouldn't tell you anything about myself?"

"Yeah."

"It was because I didn't trust you then. But once you started giving me your trust, I gave you some of mine. I don't let myself trust, love, or forgive people very easily. It's just out of fear of the possibility of losing them. I think that's the most important thing you should know."

"So you would never be this open with someone else?" she asks.

"I don't think I could be this open with my own brother, let alone anyone else in my family," I answer.

We gaze into the sky as the colors are washed away and darkness takes over. The stars illuminate the sky, and I get an uneasy feeling that the Capitol anthem will play at any second. No, you're not in the Arena anymore, I tell myself. The air is actually pretty cold, and I let out a small shiver.

"It's beautiful," Sam says looking at the stars.

"Just like you," I say back. Holy shit, what did I just do? _Umm, you called an extremely beautiful girl beautiful? _Stop being a smartass. _Don't tell me what to do._

"Really?" she says laughing. "I was waiting for you to admit it."

I stand up, and she does the same. "Admit what?"

"Admit that you like me," she responds teasingly. "After all you did say you loved me to the entire country."

I'd give anything for her to be mine. _Then tell her that._ Are you crazy? That'd ruin everything between us. _No it wouldn't. She wants you too._ No she doesn't. There's no way that's possible. Nothing goes right in my life. She stops me as we walk through the forest.

"On a more serious note," she begins, "Why didn't you give up in the Arena? Like some of the other tributes?"

I turn towards her. "I promised you and my family I'd win, and Bruce's death certainly played a role in my determination."

She walks over to me. "But wouldn't giving up be the easy way out? Don't you have guilt about killing those kids? Trust me, I'm not trying to make you feel badly or anything, I just want to know. I mean, at the end, it looked like that girl had you beat. But, you never give up, so I don't even know why I'd make that assumption about you."

"Of course I feel guilty. I did it to survive, and to keep my promise. But the Games are worse than everyone thinks they are. They're more than killing teenagers and 'survival of the fittest'. They took so much from me." I lean against a tree and feel tears coming to my eyes. No, I won't cry. Sam pulls me into a hug, which makes me feel a little better. _No, a lot better._ Shut up! _Will you just kiss her already?_ I want to. _So do it!_ Hell no! _Wow, for someone who's all tough and brave, you really suck when it comes to these things_. Gee, thanks for the encouragement.

"How did they take from you though?" she asks.

"I never thought I'd turn into a killer. But I did it to get back to you. Still though, for me to be able to lift my ax or knife, and then take someone else's life with it...it took everything I am. Plus, what would you do if I was dead?" I say.

"I couldn't live," she says.

"So you would kill yourself?" I ask.

"I'd do anything to make sure I'm with you," she replies. "And when Caesar asked if I felt the same way about you...well, I can answer that question. Of course I do. I love you more than life itself Johanna. Please, just be mine," she says.

"I wouldn't want it any other way," I respond. "I promised myself I wouldn't let myself love anyone the way I loved Bruce. And you know I'm not someone to break promises. But this is a promise I have to break. I don't know when, but I fell for you so hard. You're my best friend, but there was something about you that made me fall in love with you every day. You're everything to me. I love you Sam."

"I love you too Johanna," she replies. The space between our lips vanishes as she leans in. She places her arms around my shoulders, and we stand there for a few moments in each others' arms smiling like idiots...just two teenagers in love. Some people may think we fell in love too quickly, but we're best friends. We'd never hurt each other. We trust each other with our lives, and we'd do anything for each other. Nothing will separate us.

But she doesn't know the true extent to how much I love her. She's always been there for me, and I'll always be there for her. She doesn't know that she's the only person in my life I can share anything with. She's the only person I'll be able to tell my thoughts to. My thoughts about the Capitol, the Games, the Arena. I'll only be able to tell her the horrors I faced in the Games.

But will she really know what was running through my mind during the Games? I can't be sure. But she will know that I killed six teenagers to get back to her. And yes, I've accepted the fact that I am indeed a murderer, and she'll know that. She knows I'm a murderer. But she'll also know that I'm a survivor.

END OF BOOK ONE

**A/N: I'll be editing and updating this story, and this weekend I'll start uploading I Can't Escape, which is the sequel!**


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